Arachno-communism
“That isn't itsy-bitsy at all!”
“Stop bugging me.”
Arachno-communism is a system of political and economic government where the people are governed freely and fairly by giant spiders. It is different to Arachno-capitalism which believes only spiders should get all the best breaks and the fattest flies.
Though arachno-communism has never been successfully put into practice, it has been portrayed in several successful and unsuccessful films, such as Starship Troopers and Starship Troopers 2; the documentaries Arachnophobia and Eight-Legged Freaks; and the sanitation thriller Under Your Bathroom Linoleum. The system was originally conceived by arch arachno-philosopher Bedwin Arachnovic Arachno. Although not a giant spider himself, it is generally agreed that he was being controlled by giant spiders at the time.
Arachno-communism in practice[edit]
As previously stated, arachno-communism has definitely never ever been implemented anywhere on any world ever. However, some regimes have claimed to be arachno-communist, including Iraq, Arrakis, Peru, and Canada. Iraq, though ruled for some time by a giant spider, was not "socialist enough" for "Arachno-Communist Leaders United", the organisation most consider to be at the forefront of arachno-communist theory today. Arrakis, regardless of its socialistic credentials, was in reality ruled not by giant spiders, but giant worms. The Peruvian government was widely recognized as a legitimate arachno-communist nation until it came to light that President Cheula Tarran was not a spider, but a Czech Skorpion. And, though many maps may indicate otherwise, Canada has never had a government.
Some have regarded the administration of 1762 Andorran President Qazvin "Qaz and Effect" Zbeidtermann as being characterized by arachno-communist concepts, but since Zbeidtermann's time in office predated Arachno's work he is considered by many experts to be an arachronism.
Controversy[edit]
Many arachno-communists have also debated whether free and fair government by tiny spiders constitutes this form of government, which it certainly does not. Everyone knows that tiny spiders are are not communists at all, but arachnists.
A particular hot topic has been whether Spiderman was the greatest truck-driving arachno-communist of all time, or simply the only truck-driving arachno-communist of all time.
Also problematic in Arachno-communist doctrine is understanding the writings of Arachno. Working in a time of extreme Arachnophobia when spiders were forced to bend their eight knees to an Ant Dictatorship led by Wood Ant Allen, Arachno wrote copious volumes explain his theories of economic and political theory why arachnid guided government would implement communism. Regretfully, his works are hard to decipher due to the author's appalling spidery claw scribbles.
This allowed later followers of Arachno to argue wether their system of government was applicable to other Arachno-communist societies like scorpions and horseshoe crabs. Some also regard Kent Brockman as a prominent arachno-communist (or at least a precursor), but this has been roundly dismissed as Brockman endorsed the government of giant ants, not giant spiders.