Vanity page
vAnIty paGe is the name of the most awesome 1337ZøRz!!!!11111one d00d in the univers!!!!1oneone OMG!!
So who is VP?
So like the guy was named vAnIty, and he's like this awesome vampire demon from dimesnion X, and he got turned into a cyborg by the aleens from the planit Mars, so he can beat up ur mom with his rockit launchers on his arms, and tehn hell drink all of her blood and rape her soul with his enormous demonic soul-penis!!!1one. vAnIty was born in the year a million to a clone of arnold schwartsinager and britney spears, and when he was one years old he fought off an army of zombies with just his little finger because he was usting the rest of his body to have sex with your mom. So now when zombies see him they always run away like little pansys and pee themselves and that's why zombies are sometimes all wet because they pee themselves. Then a year later he was playing a game of backgammon with Sun Tzu and accidentally took over the world and he said "Damn, I just took over the world without even meaning to, I'm so awesome!!!!!!!111," and then Sun Tzu said "OMGLOLROFL!!!!!!111111one," and he was all like "STFU you ass pansy!!!!!!!1111one I pwn3Z j00!!!!!" and he pwned Sun Tzu with his mind powerZ! and Sun Tzu was like "Shit WTF!!!11" Then after that was when he got turned into a cyborg, cause the aleisn were going to come take over the world and do anal probes with everybody, but then vAnIty tricked them into making him into a cyborg stealing an alien uniform ans nseaking into the mother ship where they make robots, and then he blew it up with the rokket lanchers in his arms!!!1, and he was like LOL!!!.
$lan |)ariddy
vAnity's friend $lan |)ariddy was omgwtf the ghey, so vAnity was like haha, u r the homoseual and u suck on penises, and ur ass has a village of gnomes living in it becuz it's so big from having the anull seks so much timse. SSo then vAnity was like dude OMG i will make you strate, and he hell of want to a priest to get god to help, and the priest was like dude, wtf, your friend is the ghey, i have sex with altar boys. and vAnity was like omgwtfroflbbq!!!!111one, and he pwned the priest with one eyelash, and he was like shytm, now how am I going to fix $lan, and so he went to talk to god, and god totally used his powers 2 make $lan like chicks. ( . )( . ) <--- BREASTZT!!!!!!!!11111
Other 1331 5tvff
Then there was the time when vAnity killed the enitre army of france all by himself. He was visiting the iffle tower and eating some crapes when he saw a mime, and he was all like "WTF mimes suckzors!!!" and so he took the crape and threw it at the mime and cut off its head, and Jacques Chirac was lke OMG, u n00b!!11, and the Foreign Legion, was all, Oh shitzors, cause they hella knew they were going to get R4p3Z0r3D!!!!11 so they send in the paratroopez and vAnity pwnz the airplane with a rocket, and all the frogs hella jump out with their parachutes consumed in flame, a luminant actualisation of human mortality set to empyrean stage. So they hella fall and their guts and shit hit the ground, and so they get the tanks to come, and vAnity catches the shell from the tank in his teeth, and is like, eat ordanince motherfuckers!!!!1 lol then he throws that shit into the louvre, and the french shit themselves from that, and then they surrender, and vAnity makes a new law so the girls in france have to shave their pits!!!111
Vanity Press
Pay me a grand and we will publish you. But leave you nothing in return and not tell you we've got more than one imprint in one building named for The Statue of Liberty and in middle of the fucking cornfields. You want Vanity does this fit as we got your fucking novel, but we're not going to pay you to run it. We don't care if you're staring at your navel with the subject matter just as long we're loaded enough to sue you.
Fuck your advances and piss off off we'll send you a cease and desist letter because we don't care if author's die or not.
We just want your money and keep everything for years including the racists some researched, though we don't look into who we publish we accept everyone. Give us your credit card so we can ring up your phone bill as it's a toll free number as long you're not calling from Canada or England.
Cover art, eh we got that covered just snag from Getty Images and see what we can do then we create a LiveJournal for you to promote. The only honest thing we've did and closed the doors, even in the Christian form where we've teamed with a Bible publisher we'll still going to make a mint from you. We promise to make you famous. But the employees tell more truth than the publishers will. If a small press publisher or a collective find you, just listen to what they have to say because they know the stories about these places.
The policies you should read before you make another article
 This is a vanity page.This page is a shameless example of egotism and is completely worthless.
The author is pretty darn hot, though. You have to admit that.
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