Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:CheddarBBQ/Homestar

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User:CheddarBBQ/Homestar

Doc Hippo wanted to review this. It's not done, still has quite a bit to go, but let him review it. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:12,21June,2009 Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:12,21June,2009 14:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	5	I like what you have done so far. There is stuff that can be fixed and added to it though. You should have all the parts of homestarrunner.com, meaning instead of just toons, games, characters, downloads, store and E-mail you should have main, toons, games, characters, downloads, store, sb emails, podcast, contact, legal and rando in that order. You should have the headers, which are Games, Characters, Downloads etc. linked to new subpages dedicated only to them so you can expand on the headers there. Toons - Toons is a hard one to do. I would take a look at the toons part of homestarrunner.com for inspiration. You could link toons to the toons section of homestarrunner.com. Games - There is the hard option and the easy option for Games. The hard option is make your own homestarrunner game up. The easy option is to make links to other games that can be seen at UnGames and add homestarrunner titles not to do with the game. Also make a link like “Ultimate Homestarrunner Game” so it links to the games part of homestarrunner.com. Or you could do both options. Characters - For “Characters” you could write a paragraph description under each character and link the character to its uncyclopedia page, such as Strong Bad and Coach Z. Link the other characters that don’t have an uncyclopedia page to something, such as “The King of Town” linked to Otter and Pom Pom linked to Balloon Animals. Under each character have a picture of the character. You can use pictures from uncyclopedia of homestarrunner characters and pictures from google of them and if you want an image photochopped you can ask Sonje for help. Downloads - Downloads is a hard thing to write for. You could write something like that its illegal to download and the reader will be punished for even thinking of downloaded. Make a link to [here also]. Store - Take a look at the Store page on homestarrunner.com. I would follow that, but make your own designs up for homestarrunner merchandise, which can be crazy stuff like a Strong Mad rifle, or a Coach Z packet of Doritos. E-Mail - For the Sb emails, you could write a name of the episode, and write a blurb underneath it, with a picture too. You do not need the episode blurbs you write to have anything to do with the episode and could make them into crazy episodes such as the episode “Marzipan” have Strong Bad and The Cheat eating Marzipan, not having anything to do with the character Marzipan. You could link the episode titles to episodes from Sb emails. I mentioned that you could use the other options also, which are main, podcast, contact, legal and rando. If you choose to add them, here are suggestions: Main - Main would be a link to the main homestar page. Podcast - I would just write something like “There is no podcast, just like there is no cabal.” In big letters. Contact - Here you could have three sections: one saying, “Leave us alone!” another saying “FAQ” and another saying “Store questions”. Each one of those would link to another subpage. “Leave us alone!” Could be written as a rant from the makers of homestarrunner.com telling the reader they don’t want to talk to them etc. FAQ could be frequently asked questions that wouldn’t really be frequently asked questions, asking about random things like “how much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood” etc. Store questions could be about ways to pay for items, such as pyramid scheme, entering in credit card details, etc. Legal - Here you would parody the privacy legal part of homestarrunner.com. You would have five headings: “The Information We Collect”, “How We Use the Information”, “Cookies”, “Security” and “Do Not Contact Us”. You will need to read the privacy legal part of homestarrunner.com first. Then parody it, for example, under “How We Use the Information” you could write stuff like “We use visitors personal information for blackmail and fraud. With the personal and credit card information acquired, we can safely and securely withdraw money from your bank account…” Rando - Rando would be a link to Special:Random.
Concept:	9	It is a great idea for a concept. It has a lot of potential because you are using the concept for a very funny website that some people will know of. It should not be a problem some people will not know of the website, because Trogdor was featured and is based on the website.
Prose and formatting:	5	The writing style is good. The layout and overall appearance needs to be changed a little. Instead of having black words with a white background, make it a black background with white words so it looks more like the homestarrunner website. Clicking on “Come on in” leads to the same page as “watch intro” eventually does. They both need to be slightly different because if someone didn’t clicked on “Come on in” first it would say: You clicked "Watch Intro," didn't you? Yeah I bet you did. You just couldn't resist. Sorry, but you were given the option to "Come On In." which is wrong. Make the “Come on in” have a slightly different beginning. E-mail part needs to be changed to sb emails. You must make Trogdor a character under the “Characters” part.
Images:	4	The images you have are good. More images are obviously needed. I would not focus on getting images until the rest of it is complete, because then you will know exactly what types of images you are after. As I said before you can use pictures from uncyclopedia of homestarrunner characters and pictures from google of them and if you want an image photochopped you can ask Sonje for help. The picture for User:CheddarBBQ/Homestar at the start needs to be bigger.
Miscellaneous:	5.8	Used the pee formula.
Final Score:	28.8	I like what your doing with the homestar article. It does need a lot more work, but you can do it. Good luck.
Reviewer:	--Docile hippopotamus 21:54, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

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