Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 10

March 10: Chuck Norris's & Osama Bin Laden's Birthdays

• 822 - Peasants happily live with short, harsh and miserable lives in order to be able to do without really bad Chuck Norris and Oscar Wilde jokes.
• 1871 - Oscar Wilde famously declares: "Working is the scourge of the drinking classes."
• 1900 - Ferdinand von Zeppelin perfects his lighter-than-air dirigible. The heavier-than-lead dirigible continues to confound him.
• 1922 - Membership in the Royal Society in Greater Hamptonsonfordshireborough Upon Newcastle reaches its peak. However, they fire the staff of their palatial headquarters and tragically perish of starvation when no member is found who knows how to operate a doorknob.
• 1940 - Chuck Norris is born. Meanwhile the US has yet to enter WWII so he has no one to roundhouse kick.
• 1957 - Osama Bin Laden is born on Chuck Norris's 17th birthday. bin Laden immediately attempts to get his millionaire father to drop a gold Acme anvil on Norris for funsies.
• 1962 - Dr. Jack Kevorkian runs into his first episode of legal issues after endorsing Gold Bond's Medicated Powder featuring Tapeworms^TM.
• 1973 - Astronomers discover rings on Uranus. Exactly why they bothered to look becomes the real question. bin Laden is horrified when the joke is explained to him.
• 1974 - Pairs of criminals learn how to carefully space themselves apart so Chuck Norris can jump and kick them simultaneously.
• 1979 - Osama bin Laden receives $40 billion from the US and Saudi Arabia to fight the Russians in Afghanistan. This leaves his own millions untouched so that he could buy all the porn and drugs he wants.
• 1984 - A Washed-Up 70's Rock Band releases Ill-Advised Album in what many feel is the beginning of a decline in music quality. Music critic Captain Obvious agrees, citing the inability to dance the minuet or pavane to their music. Osama bin Laden burns his father's Bing Crosby records in agreement.
• 2008 - The economy, like, totally starts taking a nosedive. Captain Obvious rears his ugly head again, though he is already on welfare.
• 2011 - Chuck Norris turns 71 and is officially declared "Hella Old". Bad weather forces special ops teams to take on their secondary target, Osama bin Laden.