Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 27

July 27: StarCraft Day (Korea), Nerdery Day (Internetopia)

• 7 BCE - The first computer is created using a yard of string, a goat, and three partially eaten kidney beans.
• 6 BCE - The first computer nerd (pictured) fixes a goat/bean compatibility issue on a local goatherd's new computer.
• 3 BCE - A computer nerd/farmer has sex with his goat causing string problems and generating large amounts of upchucked kidney beans, thus creating the first computer virus.
• 1 BCE - A child runs through a field and trips over a string where a vast network of stringed goats are being held. The chain reaction sets off an epidemic of bean-upchucking and goat-kicking that doesn't end until the goats are re-neutered and restrung.
• 500 - A woman proposes the use of thin strips of silicon to faciliate the use of micro-circuitry, halving computer sizes and doubling their speed. The woman is stoned to death then given a medal after being credited with the discovery of the breast implant. Male suicide rates are halved.
• 666 - Steve Jobs trades his soul to Satan for StarCraft, the first game capable of running on goats tied together with string. He goes on to invent Blizzard.
• 1000 - The Y1K Bug destroys computers, causing the human race to be enslaved by toasters. Later, someone pulls the plug on the toasters and the humans are freed, only to make more toasters.
• 2010 - StarCraft II is released to the public. Koreans everywhere rejoice except in North Korea, because of incompatibility with duck-powered computers.
• 2011 - Blizzard denies allegations that a third installment, StarCraft III, is under development. Koreans everywhere grieve.
• 2036 - StarCraft III is officially confirmed by Blizzard. Koreans everywhere rejoice except in North Korea, whose ducks have forgotten how to generate electricity.
• 2057 - The Japanese discover how to manufacture immortality out of panties and meth, and subsequently sell it from vending machines. Koreans steal the formula and take over the world.
• 2135 - StarCraft III is released. Walmart regains control of the world because Koreans are too busy playing the game.