Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 16
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- 70,000,000 BCE - First Gozan Okuribi festival (meaning "bloody great flaming kanji") held in Kyoto.
- 40,000 BCE - Takoyaki is invented. Octopi respond by trying to make people-yaki but are unable to get fires lit underwater.
- 38,000 BCE - The first person survives an attack from undercooked takoyaki.
- 1543 - The Kansai dialect is refined when Portuguese introduce Pig Latin to Japan.
- 1583 - Osaka Castle is built so it could be burnt and destroyed over and over for hundreds of years.
- 1950 - Kyoto, Osaka and Kobe form the Keihanshin conglomerate after being liberated from their evil oppressors.
- 1973 - Kansai officially enters the Kaiju League of Japan with two contestants, Entei and Glico Man.
- 1984 - Governor of Tokyo makes stealth attacks on Kansai under the alias "The Monster With 21 Faces".
- 1995 - Expecting an attack, Kyoto buys off Godzilla with 5 metric tons of takoyaki and KFC.
- 1999 - Thousands of AIBO robot dogs threaten Kyoto but are repulsed by fanboys in homemade Gundam suits.
- 2007 - Osaka scientists find out how to make a robot that solves a Rubik's Cube. The world breathes a sigh of relief.
- 2200 - Kansai secedes from the rest of Japan. Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu shortly follow. This leads to the Tozaikan War.
- 2207 - Kansai wins the Tozaikan War by planting proximity takoyaki around Tokyo. The Kanto region surrenders on November 1 of the same year.
- 3000 - Osaka is declared capital of the world.