UnNews:UK set to dollarize

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6 July 2016

The new Dollar Sterling will celebrate Britain's independence from Germany. The reverse shows an eagle landing on the moon, with the help of a few pieces of British instrumentation that worked better than the Hubble telescope did.

LONDON -- In the wake of the Brexit vote to leave the European Union and the abdication of everyone with experience in the Conservative Party, the United Kingdom is set to announce that the nation will adopt the U.S. dollar as its legal tender.

The pound sterling is plummeting toward parity with the dollar, and the moment its value drops to $1.00 would be an especially convenient time to make the "switcheroo."

Adoption of the euro has always been a sore point between Britain and the European Union, and Britain only did business with the continent on the assumption it could "opt out" and keep using its own banknotes adorned with an illustration of how good the Queen looked thirty years ago.

The problem with the euro is that the art is based on phony bridges, and many euros are flowing into the hands of Muslim refugees in Macedonia and Italy. The dollar, by comparison, is safely in the hands of American basement-dwellers, who spend it on darts and Guinness.

"American coinage features British subjects and ex-subjects," such as Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Sacajawea, according to a cabinet spokesman who had not gotten the word about their imminent replacement with bra-burning feminists and African American community activists. Sources say that Barack Obama's last move as U.S. President, after issuing pardons to every black person in prison to fight racism, plus a blanket pre-emptive one to Hillary Clinton, will be to put himself on both sides of the $20 bill, the biggest selfie in world history, as opposition Speaker Paul Ryan is likely to do no more than whinge that his face should be the watermark.

Legitimate nations that already use the dollar include Panama and Ecuador, and it is serving them very well. Mexico and much of the rest of South America, despite having their own currencies, price everything in terms of how many of them equal one U.S. dollar, adjusted every week, as Britain could do as well.

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