UnNews:Trump takes golf swing at Salmond

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Democracy Dies with Dignity UnNews Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:36:59 (UTC)

Trump takes golf swing at Salmond UnNews Logo Potato.png

18 December 2015

Trump and Salmond exchange bunker shots over Trump's anti-windfarm pitching wedge that has been driven between them.

ARGYLL, Scotland -- US Presidential election leader Donald Trump has criticised Alex Salmond for being politically irrelevant, obnoxious and outspoken. The verbal attack comes after a Supreme Court decision on a contested wind farm development by his golf course.

The US businessman's legal challenge to the planned offshore wind farm off the Aberdeenshire coast, close to Mr Trump's Menie golf course, was rejected by the UK's Supreme Court. Rather than letting the legal process take its course, ex-SNP leader Salmond teed off on Trump, accusing the Katie Hopkins fan of condemning Turnberry, the Ayrshire golf resort he bought in 2014, to "Open Championship oblivion".

Salmond — who was defeated in the Scottish referendum, lost the faith of his constituents and lost credibility as a politician due to betting the Scots' entire post-England future on the now all-but-worthless North Sea oil — called Trump a “three-time loser” who was damaging the Scottish economy.

Ex-SNP leader Alex Salmond has complained that Trump has failed to replace the "temporary clubhouse" despite his promise to do so years ago.

Salmond was the main driver in greasing the trolley wheels for Trump to buy Turnberry in the first place, in return for a new sporran. This is despite the strongest of protests from his constituents and the golfing and coastline heritage fraternities nationally. At no time did Salmond ask what Trump’s plans were, but they clearly did not include a wind farm as a backdrop.

Earlier, the chief executive of the Professional Golfer's Association said Mr Trump's comments on the presidential campaign trail, such as no Muslims, no ugly women and no Mexicans were not a positive thing for “golf", despite those precise sentiments being embedded in higher-end golf club membership rules for centuries. Trump’s comments have sparked speculation that the Open Championship will no longer be hosted at Turnberry, as well as sparking a discussion (of course) on a second independence referendum from the United Kingdom.

Mr Trump's response was on par with his typical form, calling Salmond a has-been and totally irrelevant (aside from approving windmills). Salmond explained that, as he was no longer first minister, he was free to say what he likes, though he apparently couldn’t say what he liked as the leader of an “independent” party. Trump said Salmond had proved his point.

The ex-SNP leader went further on his tangent, saying the "fine golf course" did not have a permanent clubhouse, "far less the claims of thousands of jobs and billions of investment", and added Trump’s legal challenge to an offshore wind farm near the course was a deeply damaging bogie.

Pointing to the enormous building at the head of the golf course, a Trump spokesperson said: “Does anyone actually care what this divot thinks? The fact that he doesn't even know what's going on in his own constituency says it all. We have a gigantic, permanent clubhouse, even bigger than The White House, and business is flourishing.” The potential future US President did offer the feisty little ex-SNP leader some statesmanlike advice, suggesting Salmond: “go back to doing what he does best — unveiling pompous portraits of himself that pander to his already overinflated ego."

Sources[edit]