UnNews:Religion Section

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues UnNews Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:37:59 (UTC)

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Stop dressing like whores, you whores!
BNEI BRAK, Israel -- Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!". Full story»

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Poor planning ruins Rapture
EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared. Full story»

Chuck Norris on secularism: the single greatest threat that America has ever faced
Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris, founder of the Chun Kuk Do school of Tang Soo Do Chopsocky, as well as wearer of the 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master in Tae Kwon Do, another of indeterminate color for Machado Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, rainbow suspenders for Tai Chi and a white apron in Tex-Mex cooking. Full story»

Dinesh D'souza on the real problem with Newtonism
Uncyclopedia is proud to present an original column by best-selling author Dinesh D'Souza, best-selling author of best-selling books like What’s So Great About Christianity. Dinesh D'Souza's latest best-selling book is What’s So Great About Christianity. As of this writing, What’s So Great About Christianity has topped the best-seller charts on dineshdsouza.com for sixteen straight weeks; a record setting, best-selling run on dineshdsouza.com's best-seller list on dineshdsouza.com. The previous record holder, The Enemy At Home: The Cultural Left and Its Responsibility for 9/11 held the top spot on the best-sellers list on dineshdsouza.com for over fifteen weeks. Full story»

Man who claimed to have found God arrested for wasting police time
BRISTOL, England - George Fasarta, the Bristolian who claimed to have found God, has been charged with ‘Wasting Police Time’ by local police. Excitement spread all around the Christian world last week, as it was reported that Fasarta, a 42-year-old baker from the north of the city, had definitely located the Almighty who had been missing/presumed dead for almost 2000 years. But now police say they believe Fasarta was simply an attention seeker who repeatedly changed his story. Full story»