UnNews:Pelosi says Trump's case calls for unity

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:39:59 (UTC)
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4 October 2020

The speaker insisted she was not the source of Trump's infection. "Hands up!" she said as doctors approached with a hypodermic, "Don't shoot!"

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- House speaker Nancy Pelosi said President Donald Trump's case of Coronavirus naturally calls for a government of national unity.

The leader of the one house held by the President's opposition said that the first unity move should be a bipartisan agreement on another impeachment. Pelosi noted that several of Trump's doctors have been putting out some fishy information on the timing of his infection and first treatment, seemingly aimed to show Trump learned of his condition after Thursday's campaign rally — which featured a mass communal baptism — and not before. She said that showering thousands of followers with potentially lethal spittle from the podium was a "high crime and misdemeanor."

Another "unity" move, according to Pelosi, should be enactment of her chamber's version of the fifth Cash for Covid stimulus package, including its hefty $500,000 million pre-election kiss to schoolteachers, local bureaucrats, community activists, and other likely Pelosi voters. The stingier competing Republican legislation instead targets its loot to persons who actually missed a paycheck, as well as to likely Trump voters. A previous Cash for Covid showered money on airlines, provided they retained their workers to fly empty planes. That promise expired on 1 October, meaning that more Uber drivers will wear epaulettes and a funny hat and insist that their fares stow their phones during the start and the end of each ride.

Pelosi said the other chamber could also further unity by discarding this loose talk of confirming Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court and admit that Merrick Garland, Barack Obama's final nominee, is still ahead of Barrett in line.

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