UnNews:Obama to save the day by attending Abdullah funeral

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 18, 2024, 13:04:59 (UTC)
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25 January 2015

Mr. Obama has unprecedented familiarity with the cultures of all nations, with the possible exception of the United States.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House said that President Obama will curtail his state visit to India to detour to Saudi Arabia for the funeral of King Abdullah.

Rather than three days taking personal credit for India's economic resurgence, Mr. Obama will spend a mere 2½ days — unless his scheduled 18 holes at New Delhi's Smoky Links Country Club should go to a tie-breaker round.

Analysts in the U.S. press said the move should counteract the regrettable misinterpretation of Mr. Obama's absence from the march in Paris against the murders at Charlie Hebdo. They called blowing it off a "considered decision" in favor of some quiet time with his TV, coinciding with the football playoffs. The journalists stressed that it was eminently reasonable for Mr. Obama to expect that the ambassador, or Al Sharpton or someone, would show up to represent the U.S., enabling the President to continue "leading from behind."

These sources noted that Mr. Obama, as well as the first U.S. President to visit India twice, is the only President ever to visit India at all during the Narendra Modi presidency, and will be the only U.S. President in the history of the world (including its pre-history) to fly directly from India to Saudi Arabia. On a Tuesday.

Although King Abdullah's corpse will already have been disposed of, which Sharia Law requires to happen before the neighbors get hungry, Mr. Obama plans to speak in Arabic, which he was confessing on YouTube he fantasized about speaking fluently, as al-Qaeda was retaking Yemen with Iran's help. (On this, as in Benghazi, Mr. Obama stated that the U.S. had no forces within range and surely they would not have arrived "in time" anyway.) Mr. Obama will praise Saudi Arabia for being a moderating influence among Arab Nations, in remarks to be delivered at Riyadh's Blood Libel University.

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