UnNews:Merkel hails the fall of the Berlin Wall

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Democracy Dies with Dignity ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 20:26:59 (UTC)
Merkel hails the fall of the Berlin Wall UnNews Logo Potato.png

9 November 2014

Mrs. Merkel addressed onlookers from behind the remaining section of the Wall.

BERLIN, Germany -- Angela Merkel ignored Remembrance Sunday and instead paid tribute to the fall of the Berlin Wall. Spectators were caught off-guard when Merkel hailed the fall of the Wall saying, "Nothing has to stay as it is. Except monetary union." This came straight after a visit to the Volkswagen car factory in Dusseldorf, where Merkel remarked that progress was being made in the car industry, and that the safety measures on the cars were so good, "they might as well be bulletproof".

Only a week ago, Merkel had expressed her support if Britain decided to leave the EU, signing a non-aggression pact with Nigel Farage. "I've always found Britain to be a nation of casual racists," Merkel commented. "Especially their comedians, who won't hesitate to make jokes about Germans and the War even if they have to search as far as mis-spelling a BBC News headline. Apparently it is humour to them. What would I know? I'm German."

The Berlin Wall, which once divided Germany, provided a stern reminder to Germans on both sides that Germany wouldn't be as prosperous, free and peaceful as it was before the wall was put up. The wall stretched for 155km (96 miles) through Berlin but today only about 3km still stands, to barricade the Greek Prime Minister when he pays a visit. It was torn down in 1989 by the Great German Storm, then finished off by the Berlin City Council when it turned out that the planning application's signature had been forged.

Merkel said that the fall of the Berlin Wall was a dream come true. It showed that physical barriers were no longer needed to stop tanks from rolling into Eastern European countries.

Later on Sunday, 8,000 white balloons were due to be released from positions matching the height of the Wall, symbolising the disappearance of capital. A notable absentee, however, was Vladimir Putin, who with the fall of the price of oil and trade embargoes from the West, is finding he can make his own currency go to hell without leaving home.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Merkel_hails_the_fall_of_the_Berlin_Wall&oldid=5836278"