UnNews:MIT researchers win Millenium Prize for Mathematics

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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UnNews

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Saturday, December 21, 2024, 16:57:59 (UTC)

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19 October 2009

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Apparently this is offensive to some Muslims.

BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Two post-doctoral researchers at renowned Massachusetts Institute of Technology made the news today, claiming a breakthrough on a famous problem. This particular work will earn them cash for solving a "Millenium Problem".

The Millennium Prize Problems are seven problems in mathematics that were stated by the Clay Mathematics Institute in 2000. The correct solution to any of the problems results in a US$1,000,000 prize (sometimes called a Millennium Prize) being awarded by the institute. Only the Poincaré conjecture has been solved, by Grigori Perelman.

Mohammed Piltdown and Sheri Masticate presented their findings at an impromptu table tennis match (pictured) between Nobel Laureates in physics and medicine repectively, Howard Cosell and Ambrose Cantelever on October 13, then posed for photos and retired to a black tie gala at the Copley Hotel.

The cause of all the hubbub is the so-called "P = NP problem", has vexed seismoligists for decades. Sir Oxnard Montalvo of the Ruhi Institute explains the gist of the problem: "The relation between the complexity classes P and NP is studied in computational complexity theory, the part of the theory of computation dealing with the resources required during computation to solve a given problem. The most common resources are time (how many steps it takes to solve a problem) and space (how much memory it takes to solve a problem)."

Sir Oxnard was unable to explain what this all has to do with seismology due to a trouser malfunction, and no one else at the party would talk with us. More on this story as it devolves.

Sources

• Salvatore Gorgonzolla "Hawt post-gradz will poze for u". Vatican Times and Spaces, October 15, 2009