UnNews:Kids keep dying of dehydration

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Wednesday, April 24, 2024, 22:00:59 (UTC)
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23 June 2022

In Africa, there is no legal drinking age. Hence, this child can drink water without being arrested.

TOKYO, Japan -- Another thousand children have died this week of dehydration, with another hundred expected to pass in the coming days. Debates in Parliament are calling for the legal drinking age law to be abolished, so that those under the legal age can start drinking life-giving liquids (but mainly water).

Surveys in Japan conclude that many couples are choosing not to have children, causing a fertility crisis that is soon expected to sweep the rest of first-world countries harder than Coronavirus, Monkeypox, or a tsunami ever did. In Africa, many countries such as Ghana have already removed all legal-age drinking laws, allowing children under the age of 16 to finally taste water for the first time in their lives — even though it is contaminated to the brim and they'd be better off just dying of dehydration rather than infection.

Down Under, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has his plate full visiting those in France and buying nuclear submarines that aren't due to arrive until 2030 rather than young Aussies who will die any moment now. However, the Queensland Parliament has temporarily revoked the drinking age so that Queenslanders under 18 can drink the flood water that covers the state. SES members have started to hand out water filitration systems to families, with QLD police paying children 10 cents for every 100 litres of water they drink on farmland so that the rest of Australia can get their lettuce back and KFC and Red Rooster can stop substituting cabbage in their hamburgers.

In the U.S., gun massacres run rampant, with many calling for more gun controls. However, opponents insist that increasing the legal age would dehydrate Americans too, eventually killing more children than guns do.

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