UnNews:Furries take local petting zoo by storm

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UnFair and UnBalanced

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 01:17:59 (UTC)

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10 April 2023

Local law enforcement responding to the insurrection.

SEATTLE, Washington -- Local furries have overtaken and settled within the Sunnyside Petting Zoo. Following a post on Fanfiction.net that described many odd activities within a petting zoo, Seattle-based Rainfurrest 2023 staged a tactical operation to protest the citywide ordinance banning "activities" with stray dogs. This consisted of a frontal assault utilizing tactical vehicles with aerial support from their avian furries — who discovered that chicken wings on a 30-pound wool costume were not enough to allow flight.

One of the "tactical vehicles" utilized in the operation. This vehicle housed children who had been present at the zoo during the operation. They were taken to the home of their supreme council.

Local law enforcement set a 1-mile perimeter around the zoo and attempted negotiations. The furries remained within their newfound home, claiming it as their Den as a previous generation of activists had declared an "Autonomous Zone". According to reports, they have begun to separate into packs and are battling for dominance within the zoo. In a press release, the Seattle Police have kicked around the idea of letting them fight themselves. The suspects have attempted to reproduce and create a sustainable population. Unfortunately, they are all men, even the ones who appear to be women.

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.