UnNews:Dipsy mysteriously dissapears after accusation of Tinky Winky's murder
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 06:27:59 (UTC) |
| Dipsy mysteriously dissapears after accusation of Tinky Winky's murder | 
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4 June 2007
Teletubbyland, Oz, Kansas: at 2:56 AM today, Mr. Dipsy Teletubby was reported missing from his jail cell after being accused of Tinky Winky's murder a few days ago. Tom Cruise, police officer, was searching the chambres to make sure all was OK, but Dipsy's chambre was found completely empty. "It was terrifying," he states. "A cold-blooded murderer after me"!
After being falsely accused of the murder, Barney the Dinosaur has been released, but refined due to exceeding speed limits of the M16. He has since been held in custody until the judge states otherwise. He too disappeared from his cell. Links between the two have been speculated, however the idea is too speculative for mention.
After 3 hours from their dissapearence, both Po and Laa-Laa, good friends of Dipsy and Tinky, also went missing. The cause of this sudden dissapearence has sent a shock wave in all children's entertainment workers; Bob the Builder has quit his strip club, Thomas the Tank Engine has moved to New Zealand and Big Bird has taken a four month holiday to the Moon. Cade McNown and Mewtwo have taken refuge in Iraq, where they were written on. The special forces are busy stracking down the fugitives. The little evidence there is to help with the crime is a letter written with Lala's purple blood, which was found in Lala's bed (under a plastic penis). It reads:
We have Lala and Po. Do not call the police. We are completely unbeatable (just check out our Top Trump resiliance level!). The two hostages are safe, for the moment. Any attempts to call the police will not work, we have cut the line for the phone in this house. Please come to the Teletubbyhouse at 12:01 AM sharp, and present us with 2,000 pickle-flavoured-lollipops, and the hostages will be released. Failure to do so will reschedule the swapover until the next day. Failure to do so will reschedule the swapover until the next day. Failure to do so will reschedule the swapover until the next day. Failure to do so will reschedule the swapover until the next day. If you fail to do so this time, we will dump the hostages in a topless lorry filled with air and push it down a very steep hill.
B + D.
This letter is conclusive and will be kept for further reference. Police officers are still hot on the trail of the two escapees and any evidence on their whereabouts should be handed in to the Oz police.