UnNews:Chief Medical Officer: “Larger” women greater threat than ISIS

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

We distort, you deride UnNews Sunday, December 22, 2024, 06:43:59 (UTC)

Chief Medical Officer: “Larger” women greater threat than ISIS UnNews Logo Potato.png

11 December 2015

In some cases, gaining weight can make you even scarier, but being a chubby does not kill people or destroy infrastructure.

LONDON -- Dame Dr Sally Davies has claimed that obese women are a bigger risk to the population of the UK than terrorism. In a speech at the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists conference, the UK Chief Medical Officer described the threat from the “larger lady” as on a par with violent extremism, war, ebola and flooding.

Her extraordinary claim states over-consumption of Christmas pudding and “After Eight” mints is the equivalent to bringing down a plane of holidaymakers. The medical guru also said that being overweight as a child risks teasing as a teenager and higher-risk pregnancies, which is far more serious than cutting down a classroom full of children with an AK-47.

“This is a difficult message to convey,” said Doc Davies “as it risks burdening women with guilt (brushing aside the modern lady’s relentless bombardment of size-zero supermodels in magazines and advertisements); but I think the timing is right as Donald Trump has now taken a similar stand with the Muslims. If there was ever an incentive for our Muslim women to get a few pounds shed before their Christmas celebration, this is it!”

Residents of Ramadi, an ISIS-controlled area of Iraq feel the Dame Doc is mistaken, given the main agenda in the war-torn region (after the wanton slaughter of innocents) is starvation. One resident, who just wanted to be known as Omar, said that having to survive on his pet cat and pitiful handouts of vegetables and flour from militants means his family are losing weight hand-over-paw; something Doc Davies would endorse.

Columnist Katie Hopkins also disagreed with Doctor Dame Davies. Hopkins believes obesity is just laziness and not dangerous to the public. In 2014, she proved the point by gaining, then losing half her body weight. Hopkins concurred that, as a larger woman, she was even more scary than usual. However, at no time did she feel the urge to shoot up a bus or explode in a café.

Doctors have questioned the science of Katie’s rapid weight gain — and loss — in My Fat Story, but Katie believes it’s because they’re mired in “political correctness”. “I’m never going to make The Lancet or the British Medical Journal,” she says. “But as soon as the camera goes off, doctors say, 'You’re right. Fat people eat too much.’” Which, of course, is not as sensitive as accusing overweight people of being worse than murderers and natural disasters.

Sources[edit]