UnNews:British football manager mentions the war

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10 April 2010

Let's see you keep that yellow stuff inside.

OLD TRAFFORD, Manchester -- England is shocked after Sir Alex Ferguson's reckless mentioning of the war, following Manchester United's crashing out of the Champions League. Ferguson's exact words were: "The Little Boy showed a bit of inexperience but they got him sent off... typical Germans... That sending off changed the game. I thought they were typical professionals in the way they saw the opportunity and forced the emperor. It was only a slight tug at the boy and, Jesus, he was 31,000 feet from goal." Luckily, the Scotsman has only referred to America's role in the war (and not to that of Germany), in order to express the referee's lack of football knowledge, in his opinion.

Ferguson has also mentioned the 'silly walk' of Bayern's players towards the referee, which forced something yellow out of his pants. The Germans' official respond to Ferguson's mentioning of the war was: "We thought England was noted for fairness. There was actually only one German there, and he's a schweinsteiger".

This marks the first public mention of the war since the 2006 World Cup, where The Times called Zinedine Zidane "the son of a terrorist war". Some UK parliament members suggested that Fergie should be shown a "second yellow card" and be banished from Britain, since he has been already warned once after he almost mentioned the war in a previous remark ("How come every time they come around, I feel like my London Bridge is about to go down?").