UnNews:Blogger targets "anorexic" NBA cheerleader Kelsey William

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28 April 2013

Claire Crawford, auditioning for spot on Thunder-Down-Under Girls: is she a living doll, or what?

OKLAHOMA CITY, IS OK – A sports blogger affiliated with CBS complained that Kelsey William, an Oklahoma Thunder-Down-Under Girl, is too “skinny” to be an NBA cheerleader. “I wouldn't let that skinny skank cheer at my son's Little League game, let alone an NBA game,” Claire Crawford, who is allegedly not related to supermodel Cindy Crawford, complained. “She looks positively anorexic!”

None of Crawford's scores of fans bothered to point out to her that Little League is an amateur baseball organization, whereas the Houston Thunder-Down-Under is a professional basketball franchise. It's just as well, perhaps.

The Houston Crotch Rockets had exploded against the Houston Thunder-Down-Under players in the first round of the NBA playoffs, “but that's no reason for Kelsey to get physical,” Crawford opined. Her antics, the blogger charged, “were obscene: the bitch looked like she was having an orgasm.”

Some might consider William “pretty,” Crawford conceded, “if they're blind.”

How the cheerleader ever landed a spot on the Thunder-Down-Under Girls' squad “is beyond me,” Crawford said, “unless the Sooner State's men are into skin.”

A poll on Crawford's site, Hips_Hips_Boobs_and_Booties.com, indicated, two to one, that respondents find William “more attractive than a plate of leftover meatballs.” However, Crawford contends that her poll may be “skewed.” She believes that William had the cheer squad and the team vote.

If Thunder-Down-Under decides to replace William with “someone who's actually hot,” Crawford said, she herself is available. “And I have boobs and a booty, both.”

Neither the team nor its cheer squad had any response to Crawford's diatribe. However, the blogger's ex-girlfriend, Jennifer Scott, suggested that “Claire has completed her sex-change surgery and may be angling to replace William.”

In any event, the blogger has a few words of advice for William: “Put some meat on those bones, bitch!”