UnNews:Blatter busted for 8 years

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21 December 2015

Sepp Blatter Plaster: Bruised and "punch-drunk."

ZURICH, Switzerland -- Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini were each banned from football for 8 years by the FIFA Ethics Committee here.

The FIFA president and his protegé drew the red cards for "disloyalty" and conflict of interest, in a stunning reversal of fortune, as the former disbursed $2 million of "compensation" to the latter without giving the required signal for the substitution.

Blatter spoke for 52 minutes in the post-game press conference, sporting a bandage on his right cheek presumably from an in-game brawl with the officials. Blatter invoked Nelson Mandela, Jesus Christ, and Tom Brady as he sought to vindicate his position. The speech ended with an apparent threat to stalk the Ethics Committee: "You'll never walk alone," he told the scorers' table. Blatter added that he "had been treated like a punch bowl with just the orange peel left to suck."

The payments to Platini, for work as a "presidential assistant" in 1999 through 2002, were discovered when their Swiss bank disclosed them under money laundering laws. Money laundering is concealment of information from the government that the government has not yet expressed an interest in; a key tool in the fight against organized crime, or against anyone else of interest.

In the Blatter case, the FIFA Ethics Committee could find no evidence of an employment agreement for Platini, or of any actual work he did, apart from campaigning for Blatter's election as FIFA President.

Blatter complained that he had been made an example for mere sloppiness in filling out lineup cards, FIFA conducting "a pathetic maneuver to hide a true will of taking me out of football." Blatter vowed to appeal the decision to the Court of Arbitration for Sport, the European Union Competition Committee, and perhaps the United Nations, where it is hoped the U.S. will cast a veto out of ignorance of "soccer."

Platini is the current candidate to replace Blatter as FIFA President in the 26 February vote, but Las Vegas sports books are giving steep odds against Platini, seeing as he is banned from the sport.