The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

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The Ancient Mariner, sporting the latest in homemade fashion accessories, is damn thirsty. If only he could filter his piss like Kevin Costner in Waterworld everything would be just fine.
An albatross, mistaking its young for opium, prepares to eat it.

“fucked up,

a tale of an opium trip.
It may make you feel uncomfortable,

and just a bit seasick.

~ William Wordsworth on syndication

“Giraffes poop from their nose”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Phillipo and Nerdelsquat drink ozarka water while theyre pooping!”

~ Drunk on a water bottling factory

Origins & Synopsis[edit]

“Shit man, now the boat's like... moving but there's no wind or anything... Daaaaaamn....”

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge on Opium

“I have nothing to offer you but Blood, Sweat, Tears and Bird Crap”

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge on The Ancient Mariner

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner was a originally a 13 minute metal epic by Iron Maiden. Better known, however, is the 18th century cover by Samuel Taylor Coleridge as a solo artist. Thought to have inspired Billy Haley to write Rock Around the Clock, the song written by a heavy inebriated Samuel Taylor Coleridge (Then a member of Iron Maiden) over one thousand years ago in spite after he had been shot by an Albatross. While the actual meaning behind the poem, mainly seeming to detail antics of greedy pirates who love killing, is under constant debate, it is loved throughout the world as it is considered the prequel to Pirates of the Caribbean.

More recently Coleridge added an extra few chapters on the subject of Avian Flu and on his organisation of ground defences against the relentless bombardment carried out by the birds in the 1940's.

A revival in Coleridge's Ideas[edit]

Alfred Hitchcock later also took a great interest in the subject of problem birds
Coleridge organised the forces of the Bards against the Avian bombardment

The defeat of the Birds in the 1940's did not see the end of the Avian Terror, merely it went underground for a bit, in the 1950's a revival started with Bird Groups massing and planning a fresh wave of attacks.

Then Brigadier Alfred Hitchcock soon saw the threat that this caused to bipedal life forms and brought out a number of Public Information Films, the most notable of which is The Birds, again eventually force was brought to bare and again for a time the threat subsided.

Facts about Albatrosses[edit]

  • For many years they were something of a fashion item and in fact Coleridge wore one about his neck for a number of years.
  • Until Fleetwood Mac started warbling about Welsh Witches and simulated sex acts, they were fronted by an Albatross for four years.
  • Its difficult to get anything to rhyme with Albatross.
  • The Pink Floyd song Echoes, a loose cover version of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, tells the story of Jonathan Eybeschutz Albatross. The song begins with the sound of Jonathan using advanced methods of sonar to evade enemy gull torpedoes, a bridge in which said albatross cries out in pain after attempting to eat the bait off of a Chilean bass fisherman's hook, and fades out with a choir of seabirds welcoming Jonathan into Avian Heaven, where seventy-two Blue Tits are waiting for him with open wingspans.
  • As yet, it is unclear whether "albatrossi" or other variants are acceptable plurals.

See Also[edit]