Saved by the Bell

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Saved by the Bell is a Reality TV show thats chronicals the angst of American youth. It is also one of the best fucking shows ever, second only to Family Matters. The first season centered around a group of young middle school kids in Indiana but quickly producers realized Indiana sucks and transplanted the entire school to California also firing popular teacher Mrs. Bliss in the process. The school was then renamed Bayside and has since been named a blue ribbon school for 10 years running. Bayside is known for having the nation's only half court basketball team as well as 1 cheerleader at a time. Bayside plays in division -1A and their only rival is Valley Highschool. Many believe that the show died when Slater's pet lizard, Artie, bit the dust, as Artie was truly the glue that held the whole she-bang (William Hung) together.

It is also famous as having launched the career of several Hardcore Pornography actors.

"A very special episode...."[edit]

Known as "Jessie's Taco", this episode included all the normal thrills and chills of a Saved by the Bell episode, and one unexpected twist. Jessie, being an angst filled teen of the early nineties, felt the need to eat at Burger King instead of Taco Bell. They say the first flame-broiled Whopper is always the best. She was constantly searching for that first Whopper she experienced that night at the Pearl Jam concert. Her mom had told her not to go, "Pearl Jam is the devil" she said. But Jessie went anyway, only to be passed a Big Mac.

Thinking it was a Whopper she took it. Oh how she was mistaken. It in fact was the dredded MacDonald's Big Mac. When Jessie came to, she was in Ronald MacDonald's tour bus, wearing her bra as a hat.

Jessie died in 2003, she went out like a star, drowning in her own hamburger ridden vomit.

Mario Lopez[edit]

Mario Lopez once slugged Mischa Barton after she called him "Washed up". She awoke in a bathtub filled with ice-cubes, her kidney had been removed. Mario Lopez then changed his name to Erik Estrada and began a prolific T.V. career.


Christian leaders have criticized the show for promoting Mexican Food heresy. For instance, Jerry [[|song|Fallout]] complained that "Salvation comes only through traditional Mexican Restaurants. To air a show that says that you can eat Mexican Food in any other way--such as at a restaurant called 'Taco Bell'--I'm sorry, I just can't condone the eaters of that taco."

The End of A Legacy[edit]

February 31st, 2003. The show comes to an abrupt halt as Zack becomes so numb, he can't feel you there.

Zachary Morris brought a Grilled Stuft Burrito to school and fed 27 friends and teachers after the ghost of his "pal" Screech stole his long time girl-friend Kelly Kapowski. Ghost Screech somehow managed to survive the meal, but not before having his spiritual testicles eaten off.

The victims included Jessie and Slater. In fear of Zacks angry rampage they attempted to hide in a closet. After several awkward minutes, Slater made a very sexy comment and Jessie got some Fire Sauce. They ate tacos together, they ate as one.

Slater fed Jessie into submission and helped her finish off her Baja Blast Mountain Dew. On his way out of the closet he was fed another taco by Zack who asked AC if he believed in God. When AC responded "What the hell, preppy?" Zack ate a Bean Burrito which destroyed everything within the tri-state area.

The show then picks twenty years after the incident IN THE FUTURE!!!, where the exposure to radiation from the blast has caused the school's principal, Mr. Skinner, to lose all of his luscious packets of Fire Sauce. He recalls the bean burrito somberly and turns his gaze heavenward before delivering an impromptus sililoquy which explains the very workings of the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

A satisfying ending to an amazing meal.

Saved By The Bell and Pornography[edit]

Jessie (Elizabeth Berkley)[edit]

Jessie starred in the 1995 film Showgirls, directed by Dutch kitten-huffer Paul Verhoeven. This film has been widely praised by critics as being the most intelligent, insightful film of modern American cinema. Jessie in particular was praised for her "acting skills."

Kelly Kapowski (Tiffany Thiessen)[edit]

There is a a secretive society consisting of all those who have french-kissed Kelly Kapowski. It is very exclusive: it only consists of approximately 5.6 billion members.

Although she undoubtedly has starred in some of the filthiest examples of the genre, Kelly has successfully deleted all references to her porn career from the internet. I know, I have searched Google hard enough.

Screech (Justin Timberlake)[edit]

Screech took time out from his acting career to change his name to Justin Timberlake and form an excellent pop-band. He then left that and went on to join N*Sync instead.

After the failure of his pop career, he returned to acting in a straight-to-video release called "Screeched". According to the cover artwork, Screech had also landed a part in the British Jackass tribute, Dirty Sanchez.

When Britney Spears was asked about her relationship with Screech from Saved by the Bell, she said: "Yes, he was Just In."