Python (programming language)

Python's pretentious logo, representing a union of two "beautiful" pythons of opposite sex.

Python, also known as compilable pseudocode, is a toy programming language. It emphasizes programmer efficiency over runtime efficiency, making it incompatible with modern computers, such as Commodore 64.

History

Python was developed by Guido van Rossum. Van Rossum was very disappointed by ABC (programming language), which "did not allow him to perform some main functions due to its complexity and lack of beauty" and thought that a new language would solve his problems. It is not clear, however, whether it is the ABC language that lacked beauty or its developer, whom van Rossum was known to frequent. It is also not clear which functions ABC failed to accomplish. Presumably, it was to store van Rossum's large collection of Dutch cheeses.

Python's developer, Guido van Rossum, tried to replace the logo of Python with his photo (which many of his female employees found "very nice"), but was discouraged from it by his male colleagues.

There are two hypothesizes about the origin of the language's name. Pythoners (Python's followers) believe that it was named after a famous English writer Montague Python Shakespeare, whose iambic pentameter poetry inspired the language's syntax. Critics claim that it was after van Rossum's pet animal. Indeed, the developer told the press that "his python devoured many of his rivals with their programming languages". Presumably, one of these was a Japanese researcher, called Matsumoto, who added some question marks to the code van Rossum was developing and called this new language "Ruby".

The fact that van Rossum also possesses a cobra, makes his followers think that he is the developer of a programming language named "Cobra". But these claims have never been justified by evidence. The researchers who tried to investigate the matter died, bitten by an unidentified snake.

Finally, after years of work with his pet animal, Python gained popularity. Van Rossum started calling himself Python's Blood-thirsty Dictator For Life, and while his fellow programmers agreed that he certainly deserved this title, they shortened it to BDFL, which is now often read as "Benevolent Dictator For Life".

Syntax

Python is notable for its use of indentation.

“ It may confuse at first, but it certainly helps the user to develop his talents, as after using Python for a while, it will be very easy for him to immediately perceive the difference between two and three spaces, an aptitude unavailable to so many others. ”

- states a researcher, Ovangui Sumsord, in his two works: "Independent Investigation on Why Python Is Better Than Everything Else" and "The Greatest Invention of the Humanity'".

Examples

To illustrate such use of indentation, Sumsord provides an example, which—according to him—was a program created by van Rossum himself, when he was a student. The program would ask for the name of the user's mother and give back the name of the person who slept with her the previous night. This very program was the cause of van Rossum's forced departure from his school and it is considered a masterpiece of programming as it contains only seven lines of code. Actually, it could be even smaller, if it didn't have the for loop, which van Rossum considered important to leave, in order to illustrate all of the functions of his new language.

However, it cannot be displayed in this article, due to privacy concerns of people mentioned in it.

There are other examples of Python's simple syntax, easy style and laconism. One of these is a program called "Hello World" and one can find it in the first chapter of Python for Dummies (written by a team of Pythoners).

 #Uncyclopedia "Hello World"
 #Quad Licensed under the GPLv3/BSD/Python/CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0
 #THIS PROGRAM COMES WITH NO WARRANTY, BECAUSE WE'RE TOO STRESSED TO TROUBLESHOOT YOUR PROBLEMS
 x = 3
 y = 5
 if x + y = 8:
    import sys
    from sys import *
    import os
    from os import *
    import PySide
    from PySide import *
    import PySide.QtCore
    import PySide.QtNetwork
    import cmath
    import numpy
    import pypolynomial
    from pypolynomial import *
    import twisted
    from twisted import *
    import math
    from math import *
    
      while x = 3:
	                
            class printerunitui(QtGui.QWidget)
	  

                      def __init__(self):
	                        
                         if __name__=__main__:
	                          
                           while y = 5:
		                         
                                for 'x' = 'x':
		                                 
                                     QtGui.QWidget.__init__(self)
			  
                                                                  self.setWindowTitle('Printerunit')

      


                       def metaprinterconsoleunit():
 	  
                                                     inval = input('Requires input')
	                                                         
                                                           if inval = 'yes':
	                          
                                                            messagestringconstantglobalvalue = 'Hello World'
	                                                           
                                                            print(messagestringconstantglobalvalue)
	            
                                                           else:
	                                   
                                                                   print('Fatal error')
	                        
                            exit()
       

                    printerunitui()
                    metaprinterconsoleunit().exec()
      sys.exit()

"Pythonic propaganda"

"This is a poster, that every human should have in his study" - state both Rossum and Sumsord.

After having used Python for some time, any programmer feels a strong discomfort when using any other computer language. This side-effect was van Rossum's personal idea. It is achieved by a constant enhancement of Python's special features. This method is being referred to as "Pythonic propaganda", as the user is often unaware of this enhancement or of his addiction to the language.

For instance, semicolons, very useful in other languages, are absent from Python. They can always be added to the program, but each new semicolon delays the code by half a second, when it is being run. The only explanation provided by van Rossum is that one of Python's most important principles is "Programmer efficiency over runtime efficiency" (see Notes).

Python's philosophy

Guido van Rossum was also the inventor of five important aphorisms that Python uses. Each one was called a "Commandment" and is written on a special "Tablet". Every Pythoner (employee at Python) was supposed to know all the Commandments by heart and to pray to the Arc of Python (where all the Tablets are placed) every day before work started.

All Python's philosophy, which is referred to as Pythonism, could then be summarized by one quote from Huxley's Brave New World:

“ There isn't any need for a civilized man to bear anything that's seriously unpleasant. ”

Indeed, the aphorisms reinforced the importance of beauty of every worker at Python as well as of every user and simplicity of all the actions. However, Pythoners soon found these principles needlessly complicated and reduced them to one slogan: "Easy - good, everything else - bad". They did not restore the "beauty" principle, because all of the people employed by van Rossum were already physically attractive.

Notes

Emmy Rossum. Not related.

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