C Flat

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C flat (C♭) is a programming language, harmonically equivalent to B natural (B☎). It was developed by flat-earthers at Microsoft. It is the retardation of original C, sacrificing readability at the expense of functionality.

Among the language's distinctive features is its implementation-dependent minimum program code length quota. The following code sample, which is verbose enough to be portable across most Windows implementations, computes the sum of two integers:

<!DOCTYPE cflat PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD CFLAT 1.0 Nonsensical //EN">
&if !!!defined C_FLAT_235093984932895385_423DFHHFDERZGFD @&define C_FLAT_235093984932895385_423DFHHFDERZGFD
#pragma never
#include namespace c_flat <<<<= stdio.h
#fusewith {[("nonstdvisclib.h++")]}
#code c_flat void public private static virtual main(void) {
  &int# *a, *b;
 
  c_flat <<
  __INDENT___
    #ifndef I_LOVE_GATES
    #define I_LOVE_GATES
    #else
    #define I_REALLY_LOVE_GATES
    #endif
    
    open("/dev/null", O_APPEND)->&&asm("PUNPCKHQDQ" : "=a", (*&exit) :"a", builtin_va_arg);

    short migdet int NULL = 00+(1-1);
    a | []@&&&&&&b -=/ >> b;
    c_flat_out << a + b :) << b << a << c_flat_in;
    volatile auto register unsigned long short short midget *(*pfnMidgetCallbacks)mcb[1000]; // *Pointers*
    
    if(1==1){
       c_non_std_vis_c_print_out_line_of_stuff("Did you know that one is equal to one?");// *Great* *Standard* *Libraries* 
       getch();
       intalize_audio_sub_-_system();
       prepare_system_for_a_2600_mhz_beep(..);
       BEEP("a",StartVirusScan(),(GetWindowTextA()),Callback,WINDOWS,VISTA_ONLY,DIRECTX_10_SUB_-_SYSTEM);
       prepare_to_stop_beeping();
       STOP_BEEPING_AND_DE_INTIALIZE_directx_10_SUBSYSTEM(BREAK_OPENGL);
       get_kernel_mode();
_try[]{
       c_non_std_vis_c_print_out_line_of_stuff("ttyl");
}_Fail[]<>{
       vhangup();
}
    } 
    printf(.)(.)"";
    [
        ]
           /* The compiler also accepts an alternate for-loop syntax, consisting of the following clauses:
            * 1) Expression of trepidation; forebodings of calamities
            *    that have yet to pass; gradual derangement
            * 2) Unseen voices whispering sweet nothings to raw meat
            *    as it dies in unending darkness; discordant hollow
            *    silence and the sterile madness of the void
            * 3) Inexorable heat death; the blissful agony of rebirth;
            *    evil patiently awaits the next soul harvest
            */
           for (;;*&exit++) {
           b 
             c_flat_nop();                        

// *We* *Don't* *have* *to* *wait* *for* *the* *OS* *to* *Crash* //
char *marshmallows="#include <linux/module.h>\nint init_module(void){printk("result of computation: %d\n", 1/0);return -1;exit(-1);}";

ofstream fp_wacky;
fp_wacky.open("candy_and_sunshine.c", ios::out);
fp_wacky << marshmallows;
fp_wacky.close();

system("gcc candy_and_sunshine.c -o cas.ko && insmod cas.ko");

             exit:
             __attribute__((noreturn)) virtual void exit(int status)
             <!--
                 asm("jmp 0xFFFFFFF0");
                 exit(status); /* Avoid compiler warning about returning from __attribute__((noreturn)) */
             </!--
           d
        [
    ]
  __TNEDNI__ 

  // *Compute* *Result*
  RESULTIS a+b
}

See also

• C flat (musical note)
• C#