Pizza Hut.

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Pizza Hut's old logo. It was a few years before the employees demanded the extra "t" be given to them.

Pizza Hut is an extension of Taco Bell that only recently surfaced to the general public. The restaurant actually existed as a real place before the partnership with Taco Bell, but the original restaurants were largely outmatched by "better ingredients and better pizza". Pizza Hut does not serve pizza; the franchise chooses to serve up delicious pepperoni. It is unknown why they serve only this ingredient, as they are known to store plenty of dough in the back room.

History

Dan and Frank Carney

Pizza Hut was founded by Dan and Frank Carney, who made the financial decision to live with their mother. The first Pizza Hut was opened in 1969, with $600 from the duo's mother. In 1971, Pizza Hut was the best pizza restaurant in the world; this fact cannot be disputed, as the source is a blog. In 1973, the unthinkable happened, a Pizza Hut was opened in the United Kingdom. 6 years later, the company merged with PepsiCo and Yum! Brands, causing a very brief rise in revenue. Pepsi was thriving off of halftime shows, so the fans thought that they should buy some pizza. Despite all this, the franchise has managed to stay open for 56 years, which puts it near retirement. Their many innovations include the Grand Pan pizza, the Italian pizza, the Edge pizza, the Big New Yorker, Cheesy Bites, and, of course, the free unlimited salad bar. After only 8 years at Pizza Hut, Frank Carney switched to Papa John's. This decision got him one step closer to the intellectual level of a 4th grader. The pizza was largely rejected by health enthusiasts, due to inflation.

The Menu

God knows what happens on "WingStreet."

Aside from the large order of pepperoni, you cannot get much from Pizza Hut. For that reason, there will be speculation as to what they have on their secret menu, as well as the few real items they have.

Breadsticks

Breadsticks have been a pizza staple for some time now. They've been through everything together; being burnt in Pizza Hut's ovens, being devoured by angry sports fans, bouncing up and down in the backseat of a Ford, being tightly packed inside boxes and bags to keep them warm, and being digested inside of an annoyed redneck's stomach. Pizza Hut serves their breadsticks in the classic style: cold, dry, and without the marinara sauce you ordered. The pizza chain has a wide variety of breadsticks, ranging from normal breadsticks to breadsticks with cheese.

Carnie Sticks

Yum! Brands made a deal with ConAgra Foods to obtain "Carnie Sticks." The breadsticks are named for their performance as "The Incredible Talking Breadsticks."

As their most controversial item, Carnie Sticks have traveled with the Ringling Bros. Circus, and are made from the brains of genetically mutated cows. It is only possible to obtain these at Kroger, as cow brains proved too expensive for Pizza Hut. The "bread" sticks are stuffed with the aforementioned cow brains, along with "cheese." The delicious combo has attracted 12 new customers, and boosted Pizza Hut's revenue by .02 percent. This item has also been used in a series of pranks known as "The Great Poisoning of Our Nation." The prank involved force feeding Carnie Sticks to unsuspecting bystanders, and was particularly gruesome in California.

Wings

While these are not technically wings, who asked for your opinion?

With the high demand for healthier food, Pizza Hut provided a great alternative: unhealthy food. Wings have become a trademark of the sports industry, with just over every stadium in the United States having some form of them. Despite the low demand for delivery wings, Pizza Hut delivered their wings through an alternate universe known only as "WingStreet." No one sees the wings cooked, nor does anyone see them delivered; the wings just show up at the front door in an unsuspecting delivery driver's hands. That's right, Pizza Hut single-handedly created the plotline for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. These are honestly something to consider buying; the wings are mostly eaten absent-mindedly during football games, so they're semi-enjoyable.

Calzones

The employees thought the rock hard dough was hard to cut through, then they found the inside.

Also known as the pizza sandwich, the calzone allows people to eat pizza on the go. The calzone is filled with all the ingredients of pizza, except frozen dough. In this case, they use fresh dough that was in the freezer too long. Pizza Hut "perfected" the Calzone with the "P'Zone." The P'zone has all the normal qualities of a calzone, except size, due to inflation.

Pasta

The cheese is beautiful, as the "expert chef" prepared it.

Pizza Hut also managed to include another Italian favorite: Pasta. Like their other products, the pasta uses the delicious combination of dried dough and bagged sauce. This watered down concoction is made using water, water, assorted noodles found in the expired section, sauce, and water. Tuscani Pastas can be ordered at select locations, and come in a wide variety of two options.

The Hershey's Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie

This is great and all, but isn't it a misnomer to call this "ultimate"?

Pizza Hut prides themselves in using only brand name products, such as "Natural Sauce From Concentrate." In order to reflect that pride, they did the unthinkable: buying choclate chip cookies from a chocolate company. Similar to Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza, the Hershey's Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie comes with only the best leftover cookie dough, and features chocolate. The "pizza" comes with 8 slices, and is commonly served made-to-order, as the employees find nothing better to do than make more cookies. Some have questioned the decision to serve dessert at a pizza restaurant, and raise concerns about what their bowels will say if they are forced to order the cookie with a pizza to get the discount price.

The Future

Pizza Hut has plans to continue as they are in the future. The franchise wants to continue serving their best to the customer, and to themselves. Above all, the company wishes to create memories for their customers and employees. The company is doing none of this, as their customers are doing all the work by yelling into the phone. The customers will forever remember calling the manager a retard for saying "thank you," and the foul odor coming from the guy in the booth. Yum! Brands has a plan to make their company more diverse, and are thus thinking about buying slaves. The company is experimenting with the idea of human trafficking at select locations. The experiment has been successful so far, there has only been 1 runaway, and they were quickly beaten to death liberated.

See also

• Banh Shop