People's Democratic Republic of England
“ Where everybody takes the piss out of your name...”
“ I love that place. It's full of tulips. But that's possibly Holland”
“ Meowahhhharrrrrouuuuuuuughawrroo!”
“ Tell me...what is this place?”
Created in the divine revolution of 1911 after the barbarous rule of Freddie Mercury, this country is the crazy alter-ego of Britain. It's main exports include Science Fiction villains, language education and package holidays. It's main food stuff is in fact hate and sarcasm. It is ruled over by Civil Servants and trade unions. Its capital is France. The PDRE is a country of intense paranoia and stereotypes... nothing like the real Britain, then.
Economy[edit]
It is famed for its sex tourists, who are immediately turned into slaves when they arrive in the country. Seeing as the PDRE appreciates irony, its main export is in fact slaves. Its main currency is in fact rape dollars, which is supported by a regressive form of taxation. You heard me. One of the largest sources of revenue for the country is being sponsored by companies. Currently it is sponsored by the newspaper the Sunday People. Past deals have included Stella Artois, Rohypnol, Guinness, Carling and Barclay's.
Culture[edit]
It is known for its pastimes, which include snooker, water polo and rape, all of which it invented. The country is famed for its crazy health service which actually works, and for the fact that prisons are negated by selling all criminals into slavery, further supporting the fictional economy (a secret closely guarded by the government, as it takes all of its economic advice from Dilbert, the world-renowned economist). It is ruled by Patrick Stewart (who was awarded a Certificate of Hitlertude in 2005) and the Royal Shakespeare Company, which got into power by over-analysing its opponent's soliloquies. The public was so impressed with their pedantry that they overthrew Sinn Fein, who by some crazed decision had been voted in despite being Irish.
The second divine revolution in the summer of '69 was led by folk-rock troubadour Bryan Adams, who tried to overthrow the government by playing his guitar until his fingers bled. He appeared on the BBC's Question Time, where he garnered much support by admitting that he took drugs. However, he was finally defeated because of a lack of pedantry, and because the people got a bit sick of his songs and the fact all his policies were based on song lyrics. This was quietly pushed aside by one of their main opponents, the monarchy (see below).
Its citizens are famed for their love of pets, specifically Chinese people, who have been domesticated over centuries of cross breeding. It is said that the most valuable Chinese people are worth their weight in rape dollars, and the species is considered a delicacy in some areas, along with Danish people covered with pastry.
Government[edit]
Strangely, the country is ruled ultimately by King Crimson, whose successor is Prince Emerson Lake-Palmer. The country's monarchy has become to be known as the house of Prog, which was started by President Genesis. Its foreign secretary is in fact the well-known humourist Oscar Wilde, who tries to promote his opinion on every single fucking subject. This has given him the ire of culture secretary That Guy, who has in-turn received the criticism of This Guy. The current government is in fact the tyrannical Royal Shakespeare Company, led by Patrick Stewart. Their presence is credited as the sole reason that the PDRE is so famous for its villain industry.
National Saint[edit]
Since the inauguration of the House of Prog, the Patron Saint of the nation has been St 21st Century Schizoid Man, who heads up the country's religion: the Church of Cynicism.
2+2=5[edit]
The country's motto is '2+2=5', an illogical statement which is from the novel 1984. It is however in some areas believed, to much amusement in the educated elite.
Defence[edit]
The country has a history of pretending that Britain did it. This has led to much confusion in the international community over whether the country actually exists. This is a subject of great debate in the United Nations.
Villainy[edit]
The country is proud to have exported some of the finest villains to ever appear on film. These include Gay Jesus, Tony Blair and Harry Potter.
You're a wizard, Harry[edit]
"I mean what the fuck?!" said Patrick Stewart, "If some fat bloke came up to me and said I was a wizard I wouldn't just believe him! For pity's sake! FFS!"
Television[edit]
The country's media is regulated by the BBC, who have supreme rule over land, sea and air in the PDRE. This is due to the PDRE's obsession with the weather, which the BBC is the best at delivering and thus have a monopoly over the country. The whole nation watches the weather forecasts, and is the main subject of debate in the nation, especially at water-coolers. It is known for its lack of variety on television, mainly focusing on documentaries and reality television. This includes the well-known lepracy-based TV show Big Brother, which has been known to make or break political (in the case of George Galloway) or celebrity careers.
International Status[edit]
The country is widely regarded as being fictional, but this is of course ludicrous. It is a testament to its intelligence agency (consisting of James Bond and Michael Palin) that the world doesn't acknowledge or fully deny its existence. It has a seat in the United Nations, where the organisation is constantly puzzled by the PDRE sending some kind of excuse. This has led to several UN Resolutions, which has led to fuck all.