October 28: National Realism Day, 2nd Bolognese Day (First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster), Carp de Diem (US: Day of the Goldfish), Feast Day of Saint Jude usually celebrated by going "Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey Jude" for fifteen minutes
- 65 CE - Saint Jude is martyred when someone tries to axe him a question.
- 977 - Japanese try hard to train carp with no success. They would later find out the fish were just being koi.
- 1066 - William the Bad Motherfucker PWNZ the Saxon army. Maybe they should have stopped playing so much damn jazz and maybe picked up a sword, eh?
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba, stocks up on Cuban cigars, Che Guevara memorabilia.
- 1793 - Eliphalet Remington, American firearms manufacturer, was born. Americans traditionally celebrate his birthday by turning to the person on their left and shooting them.
- 1942 - The Alaska-Canadian (Alcan) Highway is completed, allowing Alaskans easy access to thousands of pounds of primo BC bud.
- 1955 - John McClane born in Yippee-Ki-Yay, MF.
- 1955 - Bill Gates is born. Biblical scholars widely regard this as one of the signs of the End Times described by the Bible in Revelations 4:16 – "Yea, and there shall come a great Monopolist, and this Octopus shall cast his tentacles wide, and He shall spread darkness upon the land, in the form of buggy software, security holes, and poor interface design".
- 1962 - As the world steps away from the brink of nuclear war, people of all nations find they just got a huge dose of reality. They then grab a snack and the sugar rush returns them to stupid thoughts.
- 2001 - God loses concentration for a minute and the sun sets on the British Empire, the British take this opportunity to take the whole world... bar France... again. Why can the frogs never be conquered?!?!?
- 2010 - Old MacDonald claims that Michael Jackson appeared to him, on his farm, dressed as Captain EIEIO.
- 2012 - America realizes they were responsible for the worst genocide of them all and give the country back to the Indians. Indians find it is more broken than expected and move to another galaxy.