Late last week
“I gave you all those reports late last week - Friday afternoon, to be exact, just after they sank the Queen Mary but right before Jenkins in accounting was caught masturbating in the men's room. Remember now?”
Late last week was, some scholars argue, the most important time in the history of the United States of America. So much stuff happened late last week that even a tome of information like the Uncyclopedia can't help but get caught in a backlog of information as a result, which makes the briefness of this article rather ironic.
An Era of Nostalgic Memories
Not all of it was real cool. Famed celebrity couple Imelda Marcos and her husband Ricardo Montalban filed for divorce late last week after eleven years of marriage. Famed post-punk band The Beach Boys split up after being together since the early 1970's and launching a successful military campaign against Grenada.
Signs of Hope for the Future of Civilization
But it wasn't all bad. Your next door neighbor's dog finally had her puppies, which means we'll be getting one soon! They DID promise, after all. And late last week, we learned that Janis Ian was going to be a finalist on American Idol this season. This news made everyone very, very proud of Janis, especially after her bout with gonorrhea in 1998 left her unable to sing for so long.