Lanky Twang

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Aye up, th'ast found t' reet gradely page fo' t' dialect Lanky Twang. This generally is made up o' various incompre'ensible words n' phrases, by 'eck.

Ev'ry person born int' range o' Lankisher 'is, at birth, bestowed upon givent' name 'ar' (Tho' it's offen spel' R East o' Wiggin') as a prefix t' their name. It is a little known fact tha' 'ar Kelly' got-tis name from Lanky Twang. Places where tha'll find native speakers o' Twang include Wiggin, Blakbun, Bernlee, Prestun and Sent Ellins, Boltunn, Rochdale, Owdham and MossTunn.

Learnin' t' dialect[edit]

Lanky Twang is fair near impossibul ter' learn. Th'Ewdum accent perticulerly emphy-sises 'o's and 'u's. Fer exampul, 'no' would becum, 'noooo' (prounounced nour) as is go, show and crow. Th'Ewdum 'u' pronounced 'uh' is also impossible t' learn, simply bu'cause it's so broad. This is typicul 'er menny locul variunts o't' dialect.

When visitin' this regun of North West Englund, yer better watch yer back: 'Lancs' becum very 'ostile if yer even suumuch as suggests tha' thee cum from Yorkshite. This is becuz they're reyt proud o' their 'eritage an'll be reyt insulted if yer ses they were from jus' Yorkshire. Yer must respect everythin' local, includin' t'Twang. Failure fert do so may result in a spell int' local stocks, or in extreme cases, death be FuttBall. This consists o' attendin' a local match wi' a load o' fat bloaters showtin' at sum other fat bloaters in Lanky Twang whilst yer get squashed by yet mower pie-eatin', bitter swillin' bloaters, by 'eck.

Twang 'umour[edit]

Sooper Freddie Flintoff, showin' an exampul o' Lanky Twang 'umour

Lankisher openly celebrates Northern 'umour, which consists mainly o' tekkin t' mickey out o' anyone oo dun't speek like wot they do. In particuler, Yorkshite is' butt o' many jokes, wi' its accunt, local jackbit and crikkit team often spoken o' in derogatory terms. Sutherners are also called tennis-playin' 'poofs' an' softies, 'oo can't 'old their pints.

May this serve 'as a caushun then. If yer's frum anywhere further south than Cheshire yer'll be labelled 'posh' 'n tormented incessantly. Don't wurry though, this is not serious: yer'll only be picked on fer yer duration of yer stay in Lankisher. Bluudy 'ell cock.

Speykers ert Twang[edit]

There's loads o' famous speakers o't Twang. Some notable 'uns include sooper Freddie Flintoff, captain o't Englund crikkit team. 'Is accent i'nt, 'owever, typical o' t' Twang: merely a mild version o' it. In addition, any named Rugby League player also is most laakley fert speyk Lanky. Duke Johnny Vegas, founder o' Sent Ellins is a prolific practitioner ert' Twang n' its umour. Lala bala bala bing bing 'eh.

Also see[edit]