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The skyline of Ashton-In-Makerfield is universally hailed as one of the greatest sights in the modern world.

“Oy Vay! And I thought Auschwitz was bad!!”

~ A Jew on Ashton-In-Makerfield

“It's dog as fuck”

~ A resident of Ashton on Ashton-In-Makerfield

Situated 5 miles from the arsehole of the world, Wigan, Ashton-in-Makerfield is more commonly know as the "Pre-anum of the world" Not quite as nasty but still not a nice place to spend any length of time.


Pre 1967[edit]

The site where Ashton now sits used to be a effluance processing where the government deposited all the shit that nobody wanted. In the summer of 1967 it was decided by Harold Wilson's cabinet to build a utopian town where crime was non-existant and society was peaceful. It was hoped that the rest of the country would take note and follow in their foot steps. Unfortuntely a spiraling budget and inept project management ment that this utopia fell short of its targets and became a half built crack-town.

Post 1967[edit]

It took a further 7 years to finish the project, and in 1974 the town was officially named, proposed names included Trumpton & Candle-Wick Green but it was descovered that these infringed on BBC copyrights filed 6 months earlier. Ashton-in-Makerfield was decided after it was suggested by a 6 year old boy.

Ashton had a rocky start with several disasters including a tornado, radioactive leak and a flood all with in the first year. Locals blame this on witch-craft after a Gypsie was apparently, accidentally covered in tarmac and rolled flat while the main street, Gerard St, was layed. The pain turned to joy with the arrival of the overlords the Gerards in 1981, these brutal over-lords ruled the town with an iron fist until the middle of the 90's. Public flogging and rutial humiliation were daily occurrences and the smallest infraction could mean a month in the stocks. The Gerards were finally ousted in 1996 by a task force sent in by local MP Ian MaCartney after a off-hand remark about the fact that he is a fat bastard and once got stuck in a doorway.

Many famous people have have left their mark on the town, Bernard Manning once took a piss down the back of Queen's. Also Val Leham Aka Bea Smith from prisoner C Block H made an appearance which brought much joy to local residents.