LRP

“Foam weapons kick ass. Provided that the ass, too, is foam.”

~ Oscar Wilde on LRP

LRP (Live Role-Play) is the cool older brother of LARP, but without the easily pronouncable acronym. Invented in the early 80s by an Englishman in a castle, LRP is like Dungeons and Dragons but without the dice and with more attractive women (all of whom are married). In LRP you get to dress up in nearly Medieval costume (which is basically proper Medieval costume except with Doc Marten Boots and jeans which have been dyed black) and wave a variety of foam weapons at people. The foam weapons used in Europe are often quite realistic, whereas the foam weapons used in America look like they've been stolen from the set of American Gladiators.

LRP Events

An LRP event is where a group of LRPers spend a weekend at a forested campsite (or playing field with adjoining carpark in the case of American LRPs) get drunk, hit each other and complain about how cold it is. There is usually a plot at LRP events, and it will always involve rescuing a holy artifact from the sinister bad guy and saving the world.

Factions

Most LRP groups have Factions which are basically groups of friends who don't want to play by themselves. Some Factions are very powerful and eat up all the plot for an event meaning everyone else gets bored. The only Faction who never eat the plot is The Freebooter's Alliance who are proper cunts but we love them anyway. No matter what type of place the LRP is set in there will always be a Faction who wear kilts and speak in bad Scottish accents.

Races

All LRPs will make the following races available to the players, even if (in fact especially if) they are not included in the rules.

Elves are obessed with trees and wear green at all times. If the elf is male he should be either life-threateningly obese or skeletally thin and should ideally be short sighted but refuse to wear his glasses because it spoils his immersion to do so. If the elf is female she should have large breasts and will be (even if she's currently unaware of it) more than willing to have sex with all the drunken nerds who aren't her real life husband. While most LRPs say that elves must have pointed ears this is, in fact, optional.

Dwarves love gold and carry axes. It is unacceptable for anyone playing a dwarf in a LRP game to be under six foot tall. There are no female dwarves. Ever.

Humans are the easiest race to play as you don't need to change your accent or normal behaviour, no matter what culture the character is from. Even if it states in the world background that humans hate elves you should try to cop off with as many of their women as possible.

The Lorien Trust

The LT are the biggest LRP in the world (or, more likely, England) and are very much like McDonalds in that you pay too much, yet feel strangely unsatisfied at the end.

The NPC

This is the lowest form of life in the LRP world. Requiring more makeup than a blind whore, these brave people will go and act out the plot of the game by being repeatedly beaten to death by players in large groups. LRPs usually run out of NPCs at an exceedingly fast rate because of the high death toll and are forced to hire children from local orphanages to play their myriad of fantastical characters.

The children that survive are either returned to the orphanage, or are conscripted into indentured servitude where they will live out their relatively short lives running back and forth from the Main hall to the battleground dodging a hail of arrows, a gauntlet of weapons and usually bullets. Though this is a great deal more preferable than standing around pretending to be a dwarf, and hitting people with a pillow covered in duct tape.

IC and OOC

IC is In Character. This is the state you should be in if you think a ref is looking. Otherwise you should strive to remain OOC (Out of Character) at all times, as the other players will really want to talk about what films you watched recently or whether the girl who plays that elf with the low-cut robes is hot.

Costume and Kit

The best type of costume to wear when you first start playing LRP is a Metallica hoody, blue jeans, white trainers and rusty chainmail what you got off eBay. Kit should consist of a old British Army haversack in which you keep several cans of beer but no tankard (the cans will look sufficiently IC) and a sword that is at least four feet long and costs more than twice the amount your costume did. Once you have been playing a few years you should move onto the aforementioned nearly Medieval costume by replacing the hoody with a 'grandad' shirt, dyeing the jeans black and replacing the trainers with old army boots or DMs. Once you have got this costume, you will never need another, no matter what character you play. There are LRPers who wear well-made, hard wearing and entirely setting appropriate costume, but they are just trying too hard.

The SCA

The SCA (Society for Consenting Adults) is not LRP. It’s just a place where people who like dressing up in Medieval costume go to fuck strangers because they can’t get a date in real life.

They also use Rattan (Real Wood) weapons and tend to get bruised and beaten A LOT. Dented Helmets and permanently lowered IQ's are a must.