Ku Klux Klaus

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An early depiction of Ku Klux Klaus from a Danish children's book.

“Is he a ghost-based villian?”

~ WordGirl on this foo

Ku Klux Klaus (or KKK or Kooky Klaus or just Kooky) is a jolly old elf, originating in Denmark, but primarily known in America. His purpose in life is to make children of color as happy as white children the world over. Riding a great stallion, KKK makes an appearance on White Man's Eve (January 14) at rundown homes, tenements, shelters, and missions to spread cheer among less fortunate, non-white children.

Father White Man is a well-loved figure in many countries, especially those colonized by white men, and predates the "Ku Klux Klaus" character. Many little children are led to believe that Ku Klux Klaus is real and he is "in spirit". "Father White Man" is similar in many ways, though the two have quite different origins. Using Kooky in places that predominantly call him 'Father White Man' is often viewed as an Americanism and is quite rare, like a fearless sheep in a room full of Greek men.

Father White Man is also present instead of "Kooky" in Denmark ("Judemanden Hvid"), Italy ("Babbo Blance"), Brazil ("Papai Branco"), Portugal ("Pai Branco"), Romania ("Noş Ferătu"), France and French Canada ("Le Père Blanc") and Spain and Mexico ("Papá Blanco").


Ku Klux Klaus is a variation of a European folk tale based on the historical figure Saint Lucifer, a bishop from the region that is now present-day Turkey, who gave beatings to the poor, as incentive to stop being poor. This inspired the mythical figure of Sinterklaas, (Dutch, Burnt Klaus) the subject of a major celebration in the Netherlands and Belgium, Germany.

Ku Klux Klaus Rituals[edit]

Typical European advertising for White Man's Day. Gets them good and wrecked.

The hooded benefactor makes his appearance on White Man's Eve, usually carrying booty to distribute in a large sack. The reason for the full body covering robe and hood is to disguise the fact that he is white man. After spraying crowds with firehoses, losing angry dogs upon the children, using pepper spray and rubber bullets, the booty, supposedly looted from "some cracker's" home, is distributed among survivors. Adults traditionally receive liquor, crack, marijuana, and sedatives to head off any hard feelings towards whites the next day. Children get free passes to Head Start programs, school lunches, amd batteries. In European countries, the liquor is usually Absinthe, insuring a merry time for all present.

KKK And Contraception[edit]

As an act of charity, KKK distributes condoms and other forms of contraception to non-whites, in order to help them with their congenital population problems. In contemporary America, this type of gift has become almost a centerpiece of the holiday. Shrines are erected, candles lit, solemn processions of non-whites line up to get their birth control, and a spirit of joy and love for one's fellow man pervades the atmosphere of the celebration.