King Biscuit

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King Biscuit laid out a great spread when he held court. And his french-fries are now made without trans-fats.

King Biscuit (Christian name: George W. Biscuit) was King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, and other random islands whose names are disputed and which the signal doesn't reach in any case.

King Biscuit was the first monarch in Britain's "radio era" (a member of the House of Marconi), and reigned from 1973 until 2007. However, in 1993, he ceased to make new proclamations, and cases and controversies were handled by re-issuing old proclamations, another civil servant living on a cushy pension after "twenty-and-out."

King Biscuit Flower Hour[edit]

King Biscuit held court on Sunday nights. Appropriately, biscuits were served to all supplicants, many of whom expressed relief at the change from the dry scones and crumpets that had been the usual fare in the throne room, where no one wants to leave crumbs on the floor. The sessions became known as Flower Hours, comparable to a past generation's Fireside Chats with their leader. The biscuits were always served with a jam, which was often currant, though he became devoted to the classics in his later years. King Biscuit extended much charity to paupers, such as Blood Sweat & Tears, who might otherwise have had to strum guitars in the Underground to survive.

The crier for his court, which oddly was sited in an office tower in Manhattan, was Bill Minkin, whose voice has been described as, "like, far-out, man."[citation needed] In 1982, a three-alarm fire damaged the building where King Biscuit held court. Reportedly, many records were lost in the fire, requiring most titles to land to be researched again from scratch, which is nowhere near Manhattan.


In 2007, King Biscuit abdicated and the British crown returned to the House of Windsor, which is also nowhere near Manhattan but in Ontario. The crown is now worn by that eccentric woman they call "Queenie."

See also[edit]

Preceded by:
Queen Elizabeth I
British Monarch
Succeeded by:
Queen Elizabeth II