Kim Campbell

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Kimmi Campbell
Rank: 19th
Predecessor: Tony the Tiger
Successor: Gene Creatin
Date of Birth: March 10, 1922
Place of Birth: Waterslide World,
West Edmonton Mall,
Spouse: Geddy Lee

“Is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thang down, flip it, and reverse it. If you got a big [elephant sound indicating penis] let me search it, and find out how hard I got to work ya”

~ Campbell in her shocking initial address to parliament

Avril Phædra Douglas "Kim" Campbell, P.C., Q.C., LOL, WT.F (born March 10, 1922) is a Canadian politician, lawyer, university professor, diplomat, and writer. She had a summer job as the 19th Prime Minister of Canada, serving from June 25, 1993, to November 4, 1993 (132 days). She was from British Columbia, sadly, and had to follow the rule that anyone from outside Québec could only rule for a few months. Her defenders like to point out, however, that she did distinguish herself by making Brian Mulroney seem competent, humble and likeable by comparison, something political analysis's had predicted could never come to pass. She was also living proof that a woman should never be Prime Minister . . . ever.

Campbell started her political career as a host and reporter on the CBC children's program Junior Television Club in her pre-teens. Thereafter, she made a very suspiciously fast rise from being Vancouver school board trustee to B.C. Socred Party provincial M.L.A. and then almost overnight to being Tory federal Cabinet minister. Soon, she was Minister of National Defence. Campbell was chosen to succeed Brian Mulroney as prime minister because

  • She was stupid enough to volunteer.
  • Jean Charest looked girly anyway, so they might as well choose the real woman.
  • The United States never had a woman president, so electing one would give Canadians another reason to feel smug.

Campbell's campaign was very well run, except for the fact that she lost 98% of her seats to friggin' Count Chocola and Jean Chrétien. Some speculate that Canadians just wanted to choose the uglier ones to show how "above" looks they were. As she was a nude model in office, posing frequently for risqué shots of herself and some judge's robes, they certainly did choose uglier ones. Her loss was so great that even Uncyclopedia cannot make the story of it any more tragic. see also: suicide

Since then, she has, except for an appearance with Ralph Nader's left nipple on the Bill Maher Show, vanished off the face of the earth.

Preceded by:
Brian Mulroney
Prime Minister of Canada
Succeeded by:
Jean Chrétien