HowTo:Speak like a bogan

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Before we can fuckin' start fuckin' anything. We need to get into fuckin' character!

Firstly, you will sound like an idiot and you will never get a girlfriend. It's your choice.

Right listen up yah fuckin' cunts 'cause I'm only gonna fuckin' say this fuckin' once, alright? This is the motherfuckin' article where yah gonna learn how to speak fuckin' bogan talk!

Alright shutup yah whores, before we began I though it might be fuckin' appropriate to get into character or simply get a fuckin' costume goin' on 'ere. Gettin' yah very own fuckin' bogan costume isn't that fuckin' difficult yah lazy cunt, all you need is some cheap beer, a cap with a fuckin' dumb slogan on it, a shirt with some dumb sort of fuck' message on it or better still no fuckin' shirt at all, some dumb tats and of fuckin' course some cheap and pure crack.[1]

Once yah get yah fuckin' costume put together we can start to fuckin' learn the language of the fuckin' bogans. Might I also fuckin' remind you this language is cultural so yah gonna fuckin' respect it. If you fuckin' cock this up, then Ill have no further words for you and you can count yourself as a fuckin' failure!

Lesson 1: Some simple prefix and word tweaks[edit]

Bogan school.png

Alright this is pretty fuckin' straight forward, you first need to understand certain prefixes don't fuckin' exist in the bogan language.[2] The most fuckin' obvious example of this is the prefix -ing. Quite simply fuckin' forget about it and replace it with fuckin' simpler text -in'. Lets fuckin' use what we learned in a fuckin' sentence.

Johnny was eating an ice-cream while running.

Johnny was eatin' an ice-cream while runnin'

So as you can fuckin' see it's not fuckin' rocket science. I also fuckin' hope you paid fuckin attention to my blackboard. As you can fuckin' see some words simply don't fuckin' exist in the fuckin' bogan fuckin' language and are simply fuckin' replaced with more accurate fuckin' representations of the word. Don't yah fuckin' dare use those fansy fuckin' pants english fuckin' words, or you're fellow fuckin bogan friends 'll fuckin' call yah a fuckin' gay homo queer fag.

Lesson 2: The importance of the word fuckin'[edit]

Fuckin' is the most important fuckin' word in the fuckin' bogan fuckin' language. There is quite literally no fuckin' word you'll fuckin' hear come out of a fuckin' bogans fuckin' mouth than the fuckin' word fuckin'!

The fuckin' rule here is simple.

Every fuckin' time you have a fuckin' noun or fuckin' verb. In your fuckin' sentence' the word fuckin' must be fuckin' added!

I mean this is without fuckin exception, even if you're fuckin' verb is fuckin' the same fuckin' rule applies!

Lesson 3: Sentence structure[edit]

Right now for our third motherfuckin' lesson, in this lesson we shall learn about the way bogans structure their fuckin' sentences and how they fuckin' talk. This is what I have to fuckin' say about it though: Lol, fuckin' sentence structure. It doesn't fuckin' exist, this is what you do, you eliminate all structure in your sentences and make everythink look fuckin' stupid.

For fuckin' example:

Lol fuckin' sentence structure. It doesn't fuckin' exist this is what you do you eliminate all structure in your sentences and make everythink look fuckin' stupid

By which I mean fuckin' delete all commas and fullstops everythink is supposed to be one fuckin' oversized fuckin' sentence.

Lesson 4: Long and "fancy" words[edit]

What the fuck are you? A fuckin' homo!

What are yah? Some sorta' fuckin' homo??? We don't use no fuckin' fancy pish-posh words. Us fuckin' bogans are simple fuckin' folk, we don't care for no fancy punk arse words. So here is our general fuckin' rule: If a word is over 8 letters in length, don't use it.[3] Simply find some other fuckin' alternative.

Example motherfucker:

School is a wonderful teaching experience to ready you for your future in the workplace.

Skul is a dumb arse excuse for them fuckin' leaders to rip off people like us.

Easy shit eh? A far easier test is if you have to fuckin' think for even a second as to what it means, don't fuckin' use it.

Final test![edit]

Righti-fuckin'-o time for yah motherfuckin' final test. DO NOT COCK this up! Lets see if you have the potential to blend in with a bunch of bogans and enjoy the many fuckin' great benefits of being bogan!. You have been fuckin' assigned the fuckin' task of translating this fuckin' sentence:

Johnny went to the zoo and fucked all the animals. And then went running home screaming loudly!

The answer is fuckin' below cunt![4] Well I hoped I taught yah somethin' new motherfucker. So, so long cunts and have in that there bogan world! Also get a fuckin' job yah lazy cunt!


  1. A hoe is fuckin' optional!
  2. If you use them you'll be seen as some sort of fruity fuckin' queer
  3. Period.
  4. Fuckin' Johnny fuckin' went to the fuckin' zoo and fuckin' fucked all the fuckin' animals. And then fuckin' went runnin' home fuckin' screaming loudly!