HowTo:Become an Admin
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
“Admins and those other shadow minions never sleep, they search out fresh souls for my consumption. Fear them, for the Hand of Cthulhu goes with them”
Admins have long been feared as bringers of doom, and they live in the darkest bowels of Hell. Some have feared them. Others have dreamt of becoming a Dark One. Becoming an Admin is a simple task, if you follow these directions. Not that we here at (insert stupid name here) Inc. will not take any responsibility if you get banned, but we will take responsibility if you do get admin status.
Firstly, you'll have to sign up an account at Uncyclopedia. If you're an admin, no one will remember you if your user name is 22.214.171.124. Its a catchy name that counts. Like Chronarion or MoneySign. Maybe even Hinoa. (Please don't block some other guy and get me involved too. I'm an honest Uncyclopedian. Not a vandal.) Oh, but <insert name here> isn't good enough. Sorry.
Also, you can use your name to instill fear in other people once you become admin. Names like The_Motherfucking_Asshole_who_stole_your_first_girlfriend_and_made_her_pregnant_named_YouSuck is a prime example of such a name.
Step 2 is to create a few articles that do not deserve to be huffed. Find articles like that here. By creating such articles you will ensure that the Admins notice you and give you what you deserve. Your name may be mentioned at their weekly
Cabal Whiskey-and-Coffee Morning Meeting and, over time, you may gather support amongst your would-be peers. Alternately they may consider you too much of a threat to their Gigantic powers, and spite you for all eternity.
Cravenly curry favor with the admins. This is a duh.
Things such as buying them pi or flowers, or pretending to be female and flirting with the male Admins can be effective. Unless the target of flirtation is a flaming homosexual.
Do anything you can to make them like you.
Do not anger them! Admins have a power greater than any known in Wiki. Many times a user who was being a dick has vanished from the world completely, never to be seen again... except perhaps as a pile of pitiful whitened bones in a forgotten corner of a vast foreign desert.
Step 4 is to summon a large Admin from hell. You'll need the following items.
- A dark brown cloak
- A sharp knife
- A useable computer
- A life sacrifice. If you can't find one, you can always buy one from Lik-Sang or eBay. Traditionally a n00b from the forum or Wiki is used, however. Pick someone who writes poorly and whom the admins already hate.
Firstly, cut yourself. Collect 8 litres of blood without dying and put it in front of you. Recite the following:
- Ring around the pentagram
- Slice of pi and flim-flam
- Hot flashes!
- Now it's the Cabal's hour.
Another version could be:
- Ring around the Wiki
- Admins, admins, pick me!
- Ban list!
- Iron fist!
- Annoint me with the Power!
After this, an Admin will appear. If your potential is large, a large Admin will appear. If you have enormous potential, an enormous Admin (with washboard abs) will appear. Give him the pi, let him enjoy it.
After that, kneel in front of him/her with your sacrifice. Slit his/her throat and let the Admin consume him/her. Please make sure that there are no peanuts, because Admins are allergic to peanuts. He will ask to use your computer. Let him. He will add you as an Admin and return to Hell.
Enjoy banning people you don't like because you think they're ugly, deleting "perfectly good" articles and generally having fun.