Hornet
| Hornet | |
|---|---|
 Girl power! | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Class | Insecta |
| Order | Hell's insects |
| Family | Hypochondria |
| Species | Green, Asian, |
| Binomial name | |
| Beasts | |
| Specifications | |
| Weight | 10.5 ounces to 16.5 pounds |
| Length | 10.01 inches to 8 Foot |
| Special attack | Stings and jaws, aircraft carriers |
| Conservation status | |
| Too many of the psychos | |
The Hornet is a giant wasp with a very bad attidude. These are the monsters of the sky with a ferocious attidute to everything else. They are the SS of the animal world. And like ants and bees they are creatures run by and for females of the species. The males are sperm carriers and that's all they can do.
Despite them being essentially winged Amazons with hyper PMT, men (especially military types) have been long attracted to the hornet. They have liked its aggression and a 'bugger the optics'. So trusted have been hornets that many ended up working for the American navy.
Origins[edit]
Hornets are essentially oversized wasps. Give them a few more million years they will be the size of eagles. They live on other insects, especially dozy bees. Hornets also have an excessive sweet tooth and as bees taste of honey, they can become the main victim. So high is this demand for the sweet stuff that hornets will attack any source producing sugar.
Life Cycle[edit]
Despite their ferocity hornets have an inbuilt destruction mechanism. Like wasps the entire colony will die off except the newly impregnated queens. They will slip away from the marital bed with the hornet drones and leave the hive. For awhile the hornet queens will live on welfare cheques until the early months of the new year. Then the cycle will repeat and rince.
Accommodation[edit]
Hornets live in houses or hives made up of dried, chewed up paper. They are easy to construct (for a hornet that is). Wasps do the same but their hives are dingy. A hornet hive is massive to accommodate their bigger bodies. Once they hive is constructed they become a fire risk and so have difficulty in getting the necessary insurance. Since every dies except the queens and hornets (like wasps) have a taboo about re-using a nest then one can see hive insurance is not necessary.
Food[edit]
Everything.
Bright Stripes[edit]
The sheer size of a hornet is scarey enough for humans. Imagine what other insects think of these killing machines. They eat everything but love Bees in particular for their soft vegetarian flesh and honey. The desire of the sugar has seen an army of hornets wipe out a nest of bees in an hour or less. Sure, they also die but enough hornets will get through everytime.
Hornets emphasise their savage reputation with their bodies striped in black, red or yellow. According to hornet experts, the worst variety come from Asia. They are hyper aggressive and will bite as much as look at you.
[edit]
The legendary violence of the hornets saw them hired to control an American aircraft carrier in World War Two. Their great rival was the USS Wasp but those useless insects lost their aircraft carrier to the Japanese bees.
The Wasp was never replaced but the Hornet was. It stayed afloat and was kept as a floating museum ship once it became obsolete. The ship still smells of aggressive women today so be careful when you visit.
Other hornets[edit]
In the 1960s the environmentalists started to 'hug a hornet'. The Green Party adopted them as an emblem. Hence, the Green Hornets.
Other adaptees of the hornet name include Watford Football Club. Their mascot is called 'Harry the Hornet'. This hornet is evidently a drone - i.e. useless in all departments except impregnating females. Their great rivals when in the same division is Brentford F.C. who are known as 'the Bees'. This is like showing a red flag to a bull. Many a Watford hornet and Brentford bee has perished in games between the two sides.
See also[edit]
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