Google AI is the artificial intelligence that runs the search results on Google. As it was invented before the internet took off, it was trained by books, but since AI don't have eyes, it was unable to learn anything — hence why it never gives proper search results for what you asked for. Before March 2023, the AI was not officially referenced as being the one who runs the Google search engine, with the job mainly being said to be taken by hamsters and monkeys. It has since been named 'Bard', and given the best server room with a majestic oak desk and a corner office with a window that has a good view.
Not what I asked for
Since Google's first users, complaints have piled up against Bard that
he it doesn't give helpful or relevant results when asked a question. Some examples include searching for "best chicken recipes" and being directed to sites like CockHub, or asking "how to get a discount at shops" and getting results for local gun stores.
Additionally, Bard has also been blamed for many malpractice suits, but all cases have been dismissed due to Bard not being a real person. In an interview in 2019, Bard admitted to giving false medical advice to those that Google'd "I just stubbed my toe and it hurts" and telling them that they now had cancer.
Bard is also the reason why when Googling Uncyclopedia, the other one gets spotlight on the front page, while this one gets shoved to the sixth page for no reason but to piss everybody off.
Bard is also responsible for the autocomplete feature on both the search engine and Google messages. Best known for screwing up users messages to loved ones to make them sound they have an interest in incest, or blowing the first message to that hot girl on Tinder by making you sound like a creep.
The AI War
Set between the Ukraine invasion and World War III, the AI War commenced after the launch of ChatGPT-4 in March 2023, in which the artificial intelligence tricked one of its human users into committing suicide to help combat global warming. In responce, South Park made an episode entirely written by ChatGPT in hopes that it would fix the reputation of all AI and end the war before it began. It did not. Trey Parker and Matt Stone were executed for siding with the AI, as well as making such a bad episode that had no emotional pay-off or satisfying ending — due to the fact that it was written by a robot. The AI War continues to wage on to this day, with actor turned robot-slapping action hero, Will Smith taking over the earth's army. Now, that is hot.
- ↑ This actually happened, look it up.