Ed Dames
Maj. Ed "Dr. Doom" Dames (not to be confused with Dr. Doom), is a vietnam war hero, member of the US. Intelligence Corps, and the innovative inventor (and most skilled adept) of Remote Viewing, a technique with which he has boggled the minds of believers and skeptics the world over with his uncanny, 100% accurate forecasts.
Military and Intelligence Career[edit]
Ed Dames joined the U.S. Army in 1956, becoming a paratrooper. He was one of the first to fight in Vietnam, but was moved to the Army Intelligence Corps after being serioussly wounded by enemy fire during a jump which injured his crotch, permanently rendering him with a soft, near angelic voice (ironically, it is, amongst his skills as a precog, this feature that has endeared him with most women, it also helps soften up his warnings of imminent mass destruction). He received a dozen Purple Hears as well as the soldier's medal and the U.S. Army Medal of Valore for his exceedingly heroic efforts.
In 1982, after a while at work trying to get his team to decipher a spy satellite image showing what appeared to be the formation of Robot Bears, Mr. Ed became very, very frustrated. At some point he became so desperate that he decided on a bet he had with to hire psychics like David Blaine and . Unexpectedly, he discovered that they actually worked allot better then the lazy people he was in charge of. Thus began his quest to discover what would eventually be dubbed "remote viewing".
Ed Dames Single-Handedly Invents Remote Viewing[edit]
After have cross tests with psychics, Ed decided thought it would be cool to see whether or not he could do it also. After a while, however, he found out that he actually got things right, especially when he relaxed his mind and let his thoughts go wherever they would. Thus, the technique for Remote Viewing is conceived.
He quickly began teaching his unit the technique and with it, thwarted many potential disasters most notably, a terrorist attack conducted by Santa Claus (who had adopted Marxism and defected to the Soviets in lieu of the heavy manufacturing yields demanded by Mattel and Hasbro in proportion to low wages).
Predictions[edit]
Ed Dames has made many predictions over the years. Unfortunately, many of them are terrible.
- That the sun will get heart burn and burp a big Solar flare our way which will shut down the ozone layer, people will get burned by space radiation, and smell like chili.
- North Korea will attack sometime in the near future, the reason being because they are evil.
- Earthquakes will occure in California, Japan, and some Pacific islands at some imminent date.
- Bird Flu will mutate into a deadly strain between October and January within the next five years.
- Monkeys will organize a shit-fight at the local zoo.
Lies and Slander[edit]
Despite his unequaled hit ratio and his charitable endeavours, Ed Dames has been the targets of jealouse opposition.
One such is Joe McMoneagle who falsely states that Ed Dames was at alower rank at the time, and that his maine function in the project was to proof read the subjects. Shame!
In conjunction to McMoneagle's claims, Ingo Swann is said to have been the actual head of the project, however, the truth is that Ed Dames created his own form of Remote Viewing independently of Swann. Dames, being a wholly unselfish and kind man, decided to let Swann have the credit anyway.
And there are many more who posit the outrageous claime that Ed Dames actually has never made an accurate prediction once and is merely making stuff up (this is forgivible, since many of his predictions are indeed unpleasant, why even I hide under the covers every night he's on the radio!).
Another slanderer is UFO UFO Watchdog, who site all the above. The Audacity!
It is also noteworthy that Ed Dame's former student, Aaron C. Donahue, frequently steals from Ed Dame's website then claims that it was Ed who stole it first (despite this, Ed and Aaron have close feelings for eachother, so much so that Ed even named a website after him!).