Crack whore

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“And you know what else about women? They're all crack whores. Every single goddamned one of 'em.”

~ Your drunken stepfather on crack whores

“Two dolla make u holla!”

~ Crack whore on her services

“I'll s-s-suck y-y-your dick f-for s-some cr-crack.”

~ Oscar Wilde on crack

Yeah, you used to wank to her.

Crack whores are those whom exchange blowjobs for crack cocaine. This should be a familiar concept, as Your Mom has done this all her life, your sister since she was twelve and your daughter about three give or take a year. Crackwhores also radiate the odor of a sock drenched in pussy juice, then stuffed in someone's ass.

Unfortunately, while they may be cheap, crack whores are never attractive. Many are also trannies. They are naturally weak against water attacks, but work well on grass-type.

Crack Whore History[edit]

Crack whores were invented during the height of the Roman civilization as a side effect of economic engineering sponsored by Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. She began farming and refining crack ore from the Isle of Lesbos with plans of distributing it throughout the ghettos of Rome, Greece, and San Francisco. Once they were hooked on this refined crack and physically weakened, her armies could easily suppress these rampant homosexuals and invade.

Soon, crack whores began to walk the earth. Unfortunately, Cleopatra became a crack whore herself, leading to several doomed marriages, weight fluctuations, and a friendship with Michael Jackson.

Stages of Crack Whoredom[edit]

  • Stage One: A crack whore begins life as your daughter. You ignore her, leaving her abandoned and unloved.
  • Stage Two: Deprived of attention, she starts banging lots of guys at school. This will provide useful training for her future occupation.
  • Stage Three: In between gangbangs with, coincidentally, a bunch of gang bangers, she tries alcohol and marijuana. The combination of beer and munchies causes her to gain roughly 50 pounds. Despite her constantly-filled belly and vagina, her heart is now more empty than ever.
  • Stage Four: Knowing that she is worthless, she begins to obsess over her weight, believing that by becoming thin, she will be pretty and will eventually be loved. Stupid bitch.
  • Stage Five: To help in weight loss, and to anesthetize the feelings of worthlessness, she will try crack. Immediately, crack ensnares her desires, becoming her only reason to live.
  • Stage Six: She runs out of money. She no longer cares for food, love or hygiene. Hell, she doesn't care about sex either. Only crack.
  • Stage Seven: When she realizes her orifices are the only thing of any value to the world, she achieves true enlightenment. Buddhist monks spend their entire lives trying to figure this out, but don't have vaginas, so they never do.
  • Stage Eight: She becomes your mum. Not quite sure how this works but it must involve an awful lot of crack.

Stuff to Try with Crack Whores[edit]

Will DVDA break a bitch in two? Donkey punch sound like fun? Wanna see what a Dirty Sanchez looks like? Try it! Why not, she doesn't care as long as she gets her crack.

Bitch start giving you lip? Smack that ho!

Sniff crack off her titties!

Get her to sniff crack off your ass crack!

Have her sniff crack off her own ass crack!

If things get a little too rough, you may have a dead hooker on your hands. Don't panic. Here's how to hide it. Remember, MAKE SURE IT'S DEAD.

Cracked Hoe[edit]

Not to be confused with crack whores, a cracked hoe is indeed a broken garden tool. However, this is a fitting metaphor for crack whores, who are soulless, useless in the grand scheme of the world, and ultimately, the more they are used, the dirtier they get.

See Also[edit]