Cave Story

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Cave Story (洞窟物語 Dōkutsu Monogatari, Translates to Butthole tale) is a ripoff of the marvelous Zork made by the Japanese Basement gamer Pixel in 2004. As Pixel had spent most of his childhood playing old-time basement dweller games such as Castlevania and metroid as well as (seemingly) saw the gameplay of Zork it has became a favorite past time for poor basement dwellers who don't have money to buy call of duty but thought Maple Story and D&D sucked big time. Ah, also there is one thing the article doesen't tell you. It's a really tragic game.

Plot and some gameplay[edit]

You, the player is an anthromorphic robot with ash's hat and dawn's shirt called "Quote", being lost in a cave with no memory. (What an original idea.) You then finds a village with some Cinamaroll ripoff known as "mimigas", which are persuaded by a mad sicentist known as the Doctor, which sends a grey box (known as "Balrog") and a goth (known as "Misery") to search for a Girl which has been transformed into Cinamaroll one of these rabbit people known as "Sue". The girl then tasks you to rescue a lost scientist known as "Kazuma" which is in a field with jellyfish, red spikes which will do 127 damage, and other random enemies. The player must collect a piece of charcoal, a piece of chewing gum (!?) and a bottle of jellyfish juice (WTF!?) to make a bomb to free that nerdfag.Throughout this he will be attacked by Balrog (the grey box) 3 times (one time being transformed into a giant frog by Misery) which sure will annoy the hell out of you because he is everywhere.

This is Balrog. This stupid box is just here to annoy the hell out of you.

After this the player is assigned into a desert to investigate so The doctor's plot to turn one of the mimigas into 1337 pwnzorz via crack can be stopped. In the pogress you encounter another anthromorphic robot called Curly which again has lost her memory and attacks you for some weird reason. After this she will request to trade the polar star with her machine gun, which is suicide and a proof that you want to lose the game. (it has molasses-like reloading time.) If you go to the small room in the left you can also find "Curly's Underwear". (Shameless Prevert Pixel.) The zone also has some weird stone enemies which will split into 10 parts when destroyed as well as weird sand crocodiles just to troll you for the lulz. You also have to find 5 puppies for Jenka (a witch) which will bore you as a one-liner wikipedia article would because the puppies are so distantly spreaded that it takes 2 hours to find one (including the times that you die) and the puppies are weird-ass. (Who would put a puppy in a treasure box anyway?) After finding the 5th Puppy Balrog appears in jenka's house just to annoy you once more. After all of this The doctor will feed a mimiga some crack. The bandit comes and attempt to kill the doc but gets pwnt and turns into An hero. You came into the room but it's too late, the mimiga that was fed crack turns into a crack monster and tries to kill you. You defeated it but sadly, the innocent life is killed. As you triumph as you beat a boss, Balrog (WTF Again?)and Misery appear just to throw you into a labyrinth. You also found your Curly whatever partner got pwnt and sent to here as well. Guess things are tough shit.

Also, in the clinic, somebody asked you to get a cure all medicine. If you do this, Balrog's cousin, Pooh "poo" Black will come and try to pwn you for no reason. When you reach the exit of this stupid labyrinth, Professor booster will fall of the floor. Don't save him for the lulz because you'll get something better. If you happen to drop there just STFU and restart the game. When you reach the exit blocked by a boulder, Balrog will come to pwn your partner and fuck you up one last time after this for some reason he helps you to move away the rock, which means he is not gay. After this Curly whatever will join you to the fight. This is obviously broken as she is invincible, EVEN if she enters spikes or water while you take 127 damage or have only 50 seconds to live, respectively.

What a piece of horse poop.

After defeating this tough piece of horse shit The water so high your air runs out and drowns.(Wait, do robots need to breathe? but it's anthromorphic anyway, so nobody cares.)after this Curly gives you your air tank and crashes.(How Cliched this game was. An heroes keep coming and coming.)

Towing a Drowned curly, you reach a reservoir in the mimiga village, and after defeating a ripoff of one of pixel's games, you died...... Just kidding.

Anyway, you went back to the village only to find in amazement that the Doc imprisoned all the mimigas in the village and you are going to die because you so heroic they want to make you an hero. (Nah, disregard that.) When you go back to the egg corridor where you rescue sue, it had turned into a piece of shit where zombie dragons and "press" which will kill you instantly. After all of this, you decided to escape the island. Fortunately, that sicentist guy that we rescued had hatched a sky dragon and you two escape the island. The doctor rules the world. No exceptions.



The player. An anthromorphic robot that is a Dawn/Ash ripoff. He has no dialogue at all for some reason, despite all the stuff talking to him. He is the son of master chief and Samus Aran.

Quote when he is about to kill you.

Well, 10 years before the game has started, he and curly was sent to an island to destroy the demon crown, but they came late and a faggot has got it. They fought the faggot bravely but they got pwnt, and became a hero for 10 years. when he wakes up he had lost his memory, and shortly after that he was pwnt by the doctor.*HEADSHOT* and It is proven that he is often fetished by technophiles, but not as much as curly brace.

Quote in real life. Or maybe in team fortress.

Well, we have a new narrator. Hope he does not get killed like the previous one.

Curly Brace[edit]

Another anthromorphic Robot which is the female version of Quote, although unplayable by normal means.

Again,10 years before the game has started, she and Quote was sent to an island to destroy the demon crown, but they came late and a faggot has got it. They fought the faggot bravely but they got pwnt, and became an hero for 10 years. She has also became an hero for some time, as she saved her male counterpart with her air tank and dies, if not that we defeated a tiny mushroom boss to use it (The Mushroom) to save her, if you don't escape the island like the previous faggot writing this article. It is recently unknown why this game is so cliched. Possibly basement gamers are lacking of creativity.Ah, i forgot she is fequrently masturbated upon by robophiles.



~ Balrog when annoying you in the face

You so annoying, that i want YOU to shut up!

A grey box whose only purpose is to annoy the hell out of you. He is one of the servants of the doctor, along with misery. But unlike misery he is mentally retarded, which maybe the source of his annoyance, and might be the reason that he sometimes help you. He can fly and shoot missiles, but he is so retarded that he will most likely HUZZAH! until your ears bleed instead. His cousin is pooh "poo" black, a piece of dusty grey soap that has red eyes, which is significantly less retarded. He is also referred as "Misery's punching bag", but she likes to kill and beat the hell out mentally retarded people anyway.


A witch/goth/whatever who fails to be cold. Like Balrog she is the one of the two servants of the doctor, but unlike balrog she is has IQ ^2500. Due to her super-intellegence she likes to beat mentally retarded people and innocent mimigas for epic lulz and great justice. She also serves the doc better than Balrog, which has no intelligence anyway.

Spoilers:If you don't escape the island early and make it to defeat the doctor, she will try to kidnap sue but gets transformed into a hulking zombie by the undead core. Much got what she deserved. (But sue got transformed anyway. Check the next section.)

Tough shit!


A inoccent girl who has got transformed into a mimiga by misery just for the lulz. She obviously came did not want to come to the island, but she did anyways for some strange reason. Near the end of the game she got transformed into a half-human-half-rabbit chick by the undead core, and does like 10 damage once she rushes onto you. That's a lot for this game, especially in hard mode where you have 3 HP and this is like IWBTG unfair. At least she turned back to normal and she survived, unlike misery.

Fuyuhiko "The doctor" Date[edit]

A megalomaniac which has a box on his head known as the demon crown. It gives him full control over his goth and mentally-retarded box servants. He uses mimigas on crack to invade the surface world. He also masturbates to rabbits, which might explain why he is a furry. He can turn into a Frankenstein ripoff, but is defeated by quote anyway. He is also one of the reasons why this game is so clichéd.

See also[edit]