Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
“Ramirez, DO EVERYTHING!”
| Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 | |
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| Developer: | Infinity Ward |
| Release Date: | November 10, 2009 |
| Genre: | First-Person Shooter |
| Preceded by: | Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare |
| Followed by: | Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 |
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is the 2009 installment in the Call of Duty series developed by Infinity Ward. It is the sequel to the 2007 game, Call of Duty 4, and the second part of the original Modern Warfare trilogy.
Before release, Infinity Ward announced the largest change in the series history, with it being the decision to eliminate violence from the game altogether. It seemed like a drastic change at the time, but received support after release. In Call of Duty 4, players would shoot enemies with bullets, causing them to die. Now in Modern Warfare 2, the game features a wide range of jelly-based weaponry — to prevent players from recreating their gaming violence in real life. Now it is all good fun! It may appear that bullets are firing, but if you were to actually be hit, you would notice jelly splattering all over the screen, and once the enemy has accumulated enough jelly on their screen, they simply play dead. It's like paintball, but cooler because jelly is involved!
Characters[edit]
Gary "Cock" Roach Sanderson - This guy used to work in a UK office with was dared to join the WUN FO' WON, so he goes with a guy named after a toiletry with another named after some crappy story about a castle, learning how to climb, blow up gas tanks with use a snowmobile, all before being shot by some lunatic general. Damn Americans...
Captain "Soap" MacTavish - The guy who uses up your whole bar of soap in the bathroom, and if not he brings his own. He's that guy that looks white and fat at first, takes a 5 minute vacation to get a dark tan and a douchy hair cut then almost dies choking on a bag of Lucky Charms before he throws a knife at an American dumbass's head because he betrayed Soap and stole his "Pot o' Gold". Throughout the game he taps you on the shoulder and whispers "CHECK YA HARTBEET SENSAH." MacTavish is also a recovering homosexual once survived a sandwich at MacDonalds.
Captain Price - Well, looks like the Russian dudes really got pissed. after he killed Zakhaev back in cod4 he was captured and thrown into a massive castle prison but it's really actually a massive public bath crapper toilet merged together (wait, didn't Kamarov rescue him? dousche!). sleeping on manure and watching naked people everyday slowly drove him over the edge and he became incurably mad. one day he's finally had it and decided to have a go at a guard by ripping his dick off. soap, ghost and Sanderson bursts in just in time to save him. afterwards, he launches a nuke at the station and scared the shit out of the US. later on shepherd made fun of his mustache which caused him to rage shove a falcon punch into that motherf***er. he tried to give shepherd his signature birdie-gone but found out that he has no dick to rip off with, and soon he was overpowered but giving soap the chance to king-hit that she-male in the face with a thrown blade.
Simon "Ghost" Riley - Ghost was the only cool character... WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE!!! WTH!!!
That Driver Guy - He smiles because he gets to drive the car, unfortunately, he's too dumb and slow to realize that one would have to duck down when someone's shooting a Desert Eagle randomly. So he gets .50 action express in the head and annoys the people in the back with his chunks of jelly and cranium pieces.
That Other Driver Guy - That guy is Rook, and he joined the chess club before flunking General school, so he gets shot in the chest after trying to save your ass, so you passenger seat drive your way into a large transport helicopter.
Scarecrow - This guy makes you breach a door so you can go to a room with infinite ammo and get a blow job from him. Gets killed by Batman after half the download process (in 15 Minutes), and then is left to rot and have flies anally fly around his corpse and is only known for about 1 mission...
Worm - The guy that has 1.5 lines then gets rope burn as he grapples out of prison.
Random UK Soldiers - Some examples include; Volt, Edge, Teal, Sphinx, John Lennon and Emerald.
Sgt. Foley - The only black U.S. Soldier alive in the game. Having a fear of work, he spends his time yelling at Pvt. Ramirez to do everything he needs, from taking out enemy planes to fetching him a cappuccino at 85˚C while trapped in a burning helicopter trying to survive for as long as possible. Unlike every other movie, game, or book of any genre, the black guy actually lives past the end!
Cpl. Dunn - Pvt. Polonsky's grandson of MW2. That's all. He hates gunfire, falling helicopters, being shot in the shoulder, the works! Goes bat fuck crazy in Second Sun.
General Shepard - Some idiotic general who puts a team to do all of this terrorist crap, shoots them all for no reason, and ends up getting AIDS from a knife in Soap's body, but since he already had down syndrome, he died an accelerated and very fast death.
Makarov - The only badass NPC in the game. The only problem is that he's a sissy for not getting into the action like Zachaev, but considering that Zachaev got killed by a water pistol, that's understandable. He'll still shoot you through several walls if you annoy him though.
Campaign[edit]
Most noobs do the campaign first (this is because they try to get better at multiplayer so they can maybe get a UAV), before they hop the god awful multiplayer.
You start off as Private First Class Joseph Allen, a Ranger stationed in Afghanistan, who later goes undercover in Russia for the CIA under the alias of "Chuck Norris." Private James Ramirez, a member of 1st Battalion 75th Ranger Regiment stationed in the United States stands against Communist invasion. Then this faggot named Soap (seriously, couldn't his mother think of a better name?) returns as a non-playable character for most of the game, but dont worry, you get to control this guy in the last few levels and the credits shooter. In the five years since Call of Duty 4 took place (even though its only really been three years), he has been promoted to the rank of Captain. He's the boss now. What can be greater than to be bossed around by a guy named after the stuff you use to clean your armpits? You also briefly assume the role of an unnamed astronaut in the minute or so prior to the station's destruction.
Several non-playable characters play prominent roles in the story. Captain John "Soap" MacTavish (voiced by Kevin McKidd) returns as a NPC for a majority of the game and serves as Roach's superior officer and mentor (similar to Captain Price serving as MacTavish's mentor in Call of Duty 4, except this guy is a total douche). Captain John Price (voiced by Billy Murray) also returns from Call of Duty 4 to assist Task Force 141 after MacTavish, Roach, and other members rescue him from a Russian Gulag. Other faggots, I mean characters, include Simon "Ghost" Riley, (voiced by Craig Fairbrass, who also voiced Gaz in Call of Duty 4) who conceals his face with a mask, and is therefore the coolest person ever. For the rest of the story, you go killing a bunch of Communists. You also pull a six inch knife out of your heart and throw it into a guy's left eye socket in the last level (highly satisfying!). Despite a mutilated and leaking heart, a crushed lung, and a raging hangover, you somehow survive and are helped into a helicopter to fight in the highly anticipated Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3: Nazi Communist Zombie Terrorist Ginger Takedown. Also, there's Nikolai, who is a typical Russian, who seems to be on crack everytime he talks to anyone in the game. He seems to be really rich because on "The Enemy of My Enemy" mission, he owns an AC-PWN30 and on "The Hornet's Nest", the pave low! What a bloody bastard!
Multiplayer[edit]
Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer is filled with people whose whole purpose in life is to get angry at other players who are better than them due to the Napoleon complex of having a very small penis. These players tend to lose at the game while still maintaining their cool. These players are generally hated and due to the hate, hack the game. This causes the players to be banned and causes their butts to be hurt. There is also an unusually high amount of Neo-Nazis on Modern Warfare 2, where racist phrases such as "kill all niggers" and "the south will rise again" can be heard every third game. You can also find the homes of people who take the game too seriously, and stab the child who won't mute his mic when they lose you the game.
With this, there are seven types of players that make up the userbase of the game. Them being;
- Boosters: players like these use the useless, yet useful, tactical insertions to get enough nukes and headshots to be able to unlock camos and callsigns to prove that they have no life. Also, if you piss one off, they will start having multiple strokes and threaten you that they are gonna hack you. Really, all theyre gonna do is shove tv remotes up their ass and masturbate and ask the question, "Why can't my dick ever stop wrinkling?"
- Knife Monkey: this type of player is commonly referred to with names such as 'Cunt', 'Twat', and 'Fucking Shitbag'. They play the game by running around with a lightweight, marathon pro class knifing everyone. If they have the commando perk, they can also perform magic tricks by mysteriously being able to run through and dodge bullets aka 'Matrix style' and stab someone who is shooting at them with a powerful gun. This type of player is one of the most hated. Most awesome way to kill them is with throwing knife while he is 2 feet from you.
- Plays the game properly: someone who actually goes around looking for other players and fucking shoots them, as well as actually trying to fulfill the game objectives such as capture the flag, plant explosives etc. They don't hide like cowards waiting for other players and they don't run around like a twat knifing everyone. They play the game as it should be played. There are currently less that 2% of them. They are normally flamed off the game though.
- N00bs: there are a lot of noobs on both versions of the game. The most common are Noob Tubers and Shotgun Pussys. Noob Tubers go around the map tubing anyone on sight and then steal there ammo for infinite tubes. Also they can pull out a little backpack for 5 seconds and mystically gain 2 more of their rediculously overpowered bomb nuggets. They generally camp in a corner and try to get nukes with their pussy tactics. Shotgun Pussys are the same but a little less annoying.
- Quick Scopers: this is the stupid asses that use the interventions and some times the barret with Sleight of hand pro and try to be like zzirGrizz and try to do a 720 trick shot wall bang drop shot no scope, quick scope and fail miserably. You can probably consider these people a "free kill" to your 0.65 ratio because some hacker reset your score and you try to bring it back up with failure and neglect while knowing that you will never get better at quick scoping and "Rage quiting" and the following next day you watch youtube videos of 1080 no scope across the map and trying it yourself but of course failing at it and being a failure in life.
- Aunt Flow: this player has a pre-made list of weapons that no other player can use to their advantage or else they're a noob; specifically, the noob tube, shotgun, akimbo Rangers, ACR, or combat knife. Killing this player with any of these weapons will result in you being informed of your status of being a pussy bitch. It's always funny listening to a grown man yell at a 9 year old because he got tubed.
- YouTuber: some guy named "Hutch" comes mid game, get's some kickass kills with bitchy overrated classes, then leaves the server trying to make his faggish life have meaning... After posing a bunch of crap in one purpose less video, the only good thing is that Youtube gets more revenue...
The Twelve Commandments
“On the 85th day, Activision made Infinity Ward make Modern Warfare 2. On the 86th day, Infinity Ward made Robert Bowling proclaim the 10 commandments...”
- Thou must noob tube or be noob tubed.
- Thou must lose one's penis at 10th prestige.
- Thou must swear violently when killed.
- Thou must turn thy headset voice settings to high to sound like a chipmunk.
- Thou must not play normally, or suffer the consequences.
- Thou must ragequit when the nuke comes down.
- Thou must use the UMP-45 with marathon and lightweight.
- Thou must not compare Modern Warfare 2 to COD4 or World at War.
- Thou must devote thy life to the game, lest ye never prestige.
- Thou must not resist breaking thy TV in anger, it is your destiny to buy a new one.
- Thou must act like complete badasses to 5 year olds and act like a gangster.
- Thou must quick scope to achieve eternal greatness.
Remastered version[edit]
After the first remaster in the series with Modern Warfare Remastered in 2016, Beenox was tasked with creating a remaster of the games original 2009 sequel. The remastered Modern Warfare 2 game was released in 2020 with only its campaign being updated with newer visuals, as nobody ever actually played it in the original game as they were too busy calling each other slurs in multiplayer lobbys.
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