Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2/Multiplayer

Game Modes

Roach demonstrating the game's revolutionary blood effects.

• Team Deathmatch - Kill people on the other team. Pretty Straightforward, except when Spongebob plays. Then who's who?
• Hardcore Team Deathmatch- Same as Team Deathmatch, but the the enemies now have green names over their heads and may at first seem to be on your side. And, people losing masturbate with meat and not plastic. They are, in fact, undercover enemies. They'll even yell at you when you kill them and say OMG FUKIN FAG SAME TEEM, and other lies to try and deceive you.
• Free-for-all - Kill everyone, including yourself. Yes.
• Domination - The same as team deathmatch. The flags are for decoration. Stand near them and end the game quicker making multiple people angry at you.
• Capture the Flag - It's actually a race, people run around the map going to the enemy area to get the baton and make the other guy reach the finish! Like in Elementary School, except you have jelly guns which people don't fire... Also known as 'Capture The Fag'
• Search and Destroy - All map titles will have DE_.... in front of them now. If you survive the rocket grenades or whats called noob tubes at the beginning of each round, this is where you reenact the Holocaust. For this game type, you are only allowed to use the Intervention.It is rumored the game file called "fun.cfg" was removed when this mode was made.
• Demolition - N00b friendly S&D. Where you find all typical noobs and still don't progress in life and still failing at Counter-Strike. Basically a super long Team Deathmatch because nobody cares about planting or defusing.91.643% of players in this game type have the nuke equipped.
• Barebones - Originally called "Nobones." No chopper gunners or AC-130s to give you a massive erection. Damn.
• Headquarters Pro - Much better than ordinary headquarters. It has pro in the title.It has been speculated why the "Pro" exists in the title which has led to confusion again questioning Infinity Ward's logic and if the rumour about the developers sniffing drugs during the making of the games is true.
• 3rd person series - for pussies who couldn't last long in the regular 1st person modes. plus you get to noobishly see others behind cover. Jesus thats cheap.
• Mosh Pit - As you skip some crappy map with a crappy game mode, you all of a sudden go "AWW SHIT!!!!" as you get something else you don't want as you say FUCK 1000 times and then leave...
• Hardcore Mosh Pit - Prepare to be screwed, Play the faggy game modes and get scared shitless by an AA-12

Maps

• Rust - Get knifed, shotgunned, or noobtubed by a camper within 0.000001 seconds of being spawned.
• Scrapyard - Almost the same as above.
• Derailed - Spawn, run around for several minutes, get killed by sniped by someone you never saw.
• Wasteland - Entering, looking at, thinking about, shooting at, hiding in, and/or having sex in the bunker will instantly kill you.
• Favela - Moving 1 micron in any direction will result in death by claymore. thus making many commit suicide by jumping off a roof.
• Highrise - You have 2 choices. Be killed by the quickscoper who boosted onto the roof or jump off the building before he sees you.
• Afghan - Rocks now have the ability to shoot you with Inteventions and rockets, plus all the ultra comfy mattresses.
• Quarry - Fight in a massive drug factory in Brazil where fags camp inbetween or behind those mega heroin & crack bricks and one false move could cause you to be shot in the face. You may consider about camping, but the smell of drugs surrounding this crappy place makes you feel an urge to get up and stab people. So therefore, unfortunately for you, the cycle starts again.
• Rundown - You can't do much in this map, aside from killing chickens or being killed by the hoboes who live under the bridge when you attempt to cross it.
• Estate - Slumber party at Makarov's house!!!!!
• Invasion - The battle of the Snipers!!!...or maybe not... friendly advice, if you're the kind of person who likes to read books, then, go ahead! Why not visit the Book store? Be sure to take a shotgun with you.
• Karachi - Run around in The Pakistani Main city of gayness and blow up some fags. Watch out for the n00btubers.
• Terminal - This was the place where Makarov did his Bad-ass rapejob. but can you do the same? snipers, claymores, commando fags, spammers, sentry guns, and the docked plane of death........you decide.
• Underpass - Thou must be overjoyed if your care package contained something badass, and it just happens to land on the bloody bridge above you. FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. To top it all off, you then get picked off by a fuckin' thermal sniper.
• Skidrow - This map is basically just a bunch of apartment buildings with miniguns and random shops. The only awesome part is when you found the shop that says "DRUGS". Going into, camping in, or even thinking about the apartment corridor will cause you to be stabbed in the face by someone you never saw 10000 times.
• Sub-base As the name suggests, this is clearly some random freezing place in Russia that sells subway rolls. Staying put,running, crouching, prone, and even sprinting will still cause you to be stabbed in the ass by a tactical-knifer.
• Crash - The most infamous camp-fest map from Cod4, includes the impenetrable 3 floor fortress overviewing the poorly re-designed Black Hawk Heli.
• Overgrown - Legit Russian Village with weeds pouring out of every corner... YOur Gardening MOther's worst nightmare.
• Bailout - cleverly disguized prison made to look like a Los Angles Condo, includes explosive cars, camping spots, and of course Tanks...
• Salvage - RECAP: when it comes to snow Infinity Ward hates it... Therefore to reinforce that, they put a dirty scrap yard on a snow palette...
• Storm - Yea, Remember camping there? Remeber the fortress wars on the most overpopulated spots on the map? I'm sure you lifeless nerds do...

Announcers

Fuck your sins life, buy my teachings! Or I will crucify you!

• Spetsnaz - The Spetsnaz announcer was originally a Russian acting student, but after being kicked out for too many vodka shots, he got a job announcing for soldiers battling in generic environments. He has a crippling fear of AC-130 for he lost his virginity to one. Also, he cries like a little girl when his DS breaks from the EMP.

• U.S. Navy Seals - This is the American Gaz who's a big time Badass Gangster and shoots the fuck out of people, eventually get's shot in his balls and becomes a gay deep voiced announcer that works for your team members in the black stereotypical diving suits. Instead of shouting, he stays cool until he realizes he's fucking screwed with the Enemy Nuke, but he's still 3/8 cool.

• Army Rangers - (WARNING: Content may make your eyes bleed and wish to send the writer of this 100 E-mails on how racist he is...) The Spetsnaz Announcer may make fun of this bitchy version of Sgt. Foley. Basically, he thinks Black bitches are funny... HaHa, Asshole...

• Militia- Wait, since when do South Americans have fucking money for radios and even AC-130s? Who the fuck even made this a team? Dumbass Producers...but, the only good part is that he instruct his gang to randomly yell out "AH PARIS HILTON HA BICHHHH!!!" and "LET'S send der FUCKKA!!!"

• Task force 141 - Ghost is back from the dead and instructs you on how to give terrorist handjobs.

• Opfor - Tried to teach his troops insults to yell at the foreign invaders even though he fails at English himself. and it resulted in "UR MUDDA!!" "SUCK IT-A HARDER!" "BARRY ROOT MUTHA" "BAMBI!" "TANGO SUCKA!!!" "WGHHHARRRGHBLUBLUBLUBAAARGHAAA!!!" and oh did I mention that they make so much sense?

• Randy Savage - EXTERMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weapons

Next, you must learn the tools with which to spray jelly at people, or randomly into the air.These are used as the main learning resource for Call Of Duty Nerds where they get all their military knowledge from and claim they are the equivalent to a real life commander.

Assault Rifles

Assault rifles are the only guns that actually work because they are the only guns that you can put n00b tubes on. Assault (more commonly refereed to as ass assult from the rear) rifles are pretty much the only guns that make you seem to others like a total pussy and you see yourself as the guy everyone loves because you're stealing their kills.

• M4A1 - Nail gun version of the ACR. For people who cant afford the real thing.
• FAMAS - French 3-round burst gun. Shoots fries (can be substituted for jumbo sized French anal probes with the use of stopping power) instead of bullets. Who's surrendering now?! Still the French...
• SCAR-H - A chubby M4A1. but an overall decent weapon. Pretty weird lollipop iron sights though. Magazine also comes with a free strap-on.
• TAR-21 - A Jew-made AUG, except you actually reload within 7 minutes! Full on awesomeness, the recoil is controllable by doing something called firing one shot by one. Unpopular due to so many masturbating to ACR pictures.
• AK-47 - Wat can I say a terrorist gun? This gun is so Jewish that all the "expensive" wooden bits have been replaced by cheap ass made-in-Thailand plastic. Out performed by the FN SCAR, because terrorists can't win...
• ACR - THE MOTHER OF ALL GUNS EVA MADE!!! when killed by this gun one might say: MOTHERFUCKERIMAKILLYOUFUCKPENISVAGINAIMGAYDUNKILLMEPL0XXAHHHHHHH!!!! In a calm vocal manor then continue to masturbate to pictures of Dwayne "the rock" Johnson.
• M16A4 -Boring look and a shitty sight. Like (almost) all the American weapons, shoots 3 round burst semen instead of Jelly...even the Raffica beats it. No wonder we lost in Vietnam.

"Assault Rifles"

They are assault rifles, they're just not assault rifles... If you know what I mean.

• FAL - A.K.A. FAIL, It's a gay wonky sniper, with the ACOG, causes one child's penis to expand by 2 inches. Only is reasonably usable with a modded controller for people who can't move their fingers,but It doesn't matter as you'll be accused of a Modded Controller for getting a kill with this gun at the slowest firing rate anyway.
• AUG-HBAR - An AUG A2 with some mysterious physical handicap endowed to the shooter. Getting shot with this, like its name, will cause you to scream "AUGH" and turn into a chocolate bar.
• UMP 45 - A G36C that teleported from Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and somehow got midgetified in the process. Complete n00b shit awesomeness that causes all the vulgar language online. It's so overpowered in range and damage we had to put it into the "Assault rifles" category.
• M93 Raffica - It's a M16 made to look like a pistol and to shoot the 5.56x45mm rounds children.
• F2000 - A fat version of the P90 that vomits out rounds like at.... 9000000rpm. Unfortunately the bullets are Gummy Bears covered in Styrofoam and therefore do no damage. Nerds might use this to prove that they are "L33T SK1LLzZ" by using the shittiest gun to reassure themselves they are good at the game.
• L86 LSW - Just because the British manufacturers are too cheap to produce an individual LMG, instead, they take an Enfield L85 assault rifle, and ruin it by putting on a bipod, drum mag with a dildo behind it, and a heavier barrel. Has no Accuracy at all. Adding to that, the iron sights are really obstructive and the muzzle flash blocks your face so basically you can't see a shit while firing this gun. but, after all, there's still a 0.00000001 chance you getting hit by one bullet from this gun while some guy points it at you... and damn, unfortunately, you can die from like just one shot from it. Using a grip makes it stronger than Jesus.

Sub-Machine Guns

Rather than bullets, these guns shoot ping pong balls (Jelly filled). most players exchange their gun in favor for the knife which has proven it's superiority to 4 bullets into the chest.

• MP5K - The midget version of the MP5. K is for KOK. A massive fail on every spectrum. honestly, you'd expect accuracy from a rapid firing weapon THAT HAS NO STOCK?!
• Vector - An ACCURATE bullet hoe! Has a hard candy behind magazine that falls back and nudges it back down to compensate for recoil. So low damage you will have to reload 3 times before you kill someone (plus another two times if you put it on rapid fire due to the first two sets of reloads missing your target anyway).
• Mini Uzi - A classic SMG which gives you and victims orgasm's of doom. good all-rounder for close quarters.
• P90 - A SMG, best gun in the game, or not... It's large clip contains BB pellets instead of bullets. can also be used as a pair of glasses for people who went O_o over it's awsomeness (or was it gayness LoL?).
• PP2000 -Otherwise known as the Nipple Ray. A cheap Russian copy of the Mini-Uzi with AK-like mechanisms fused with it, how typical. but nevertheless a good backup gun to have. be careful shooting one though. if you shoot this gun in real life one-handed, $100 guarenteed you'll screw up your wrist for good.
• G18 - Firing 200 bullets a second from it's overly lengthy Pez-dispenser magazine, if used in Akimbo it should mutilate your enemies' body.
• TMP - It's actually a Brügger & Thomet MP9 DAMMIT, get it right you stupid producers. it fires jelly filled BB pellets stacked in a long lasting 15 bullet magazine. Same firing sounds as the mini uzi. seriously, where are the varieties!

Light Machine Guns

spray and pray, you spammer. Guess that's what you're good at, huh? Just wait till you have to reload 'em BAHAHAHAHA!!!

• M240 - The Ultimate big, bad, (and maybe fat), American jelly sprayer. It gained it's fame in the hands of Joseph Alien to butt-rape Russian civilians with. In mutiplayer it's an absolute monster and will bury your opponents alive with Raspberry Jelly. Also, it is weaker than just about every other gun in the game.
• MG4 - A cheap ass M240 wannabe. I mean, what type of an LMG would use a soft pussy's handbag as ammo box and has almost no recoil??? (ever heard of a RECOIL-LESS LMG? stupid producers, might as well go invent something like semi-automatic Machine Guns.) and damage? in short, it's like it shoots the 9mm's children.
• RPD - The product of the AK and the PPSh having sex. This tough terrorist sprayer will have decent power, good damage, and excellent accuracy. Highly recommended that you pick it up if you have something crap. *stares at MG4, M16 and the FAL

Snipers

MONTAGES!

• Intervention - Bolt Action sniper rifle used to signify No Scope mating season. Will be commonly used by at least 7 people, 2 of which are cutting some out for crappy montages.Most of these people are usaully trying to "quickscope" which is a passed down anal technique in order to impress their 14 year old friends at their "S1kk 360 Sc0p3zZz X" resulting in a loud orgasm of said 14 year olds
• Barret .50 Cal - Is it just only the manliest men use Ultra heavy .50cal anti-materiel rifles with magazine the size of bloody shoeboxes on normal soldiers? no. Because your victim gets to WALK IT OFF!! &^*&%^%$#%^.
• M21 EBR - A FAL with an actual Sniper Scope on it! When used with Stopping Power will result with constant complaining. Good thing they'll be on the enemy team!
• WA2000 - A giant noodle box with a sniper scope attached to the top. Shoots tampons. May have a forgotten existence.
• Bookinator - Get it on 92876124q71384528'th prestige. Excellent length, Hungus accuracy! But too bad by the time you find it.

Campin Wif a Sniopa!

Pistols

You can put a knife on these, And make your penis grow, or was it shrink?

• USP.45 - An airsoft pistol with bullets and has a laser mounted underneath which no-one could use (Awwwwwww Gaaaaay), causes anyone using this with a Tactical Knife to be flamed to death. Lower damage than the water pistol.
• Magnum .44 - Because Modern Warfare does in fact have Old West weapons. damage a bit lower than most would expect due to the rounds being magnum popsicles. but still waaay better than the M9 piece of shit pistol.
• M9 - Boring sound, boring animation, boring reload, no recoil. Causes puberty to reverse, highly unrecommended.
• Desert Eagle - A AC130's 105mm assblaster compacted into a pistol form plus a useless torch. sorry, no beautiful looking chrome or golden plates for ya this time.
• Water Pistol - A.K.A eM 19 the Fucking 11!, people rage at IW for not making this piece of plastic useable. this pistol was considered legendary, since it was used to kill that much-hated, village idiot Zakhaev in one shot.

Shotguns

The only secondary weapon to use...

• SPAS-12 - A shotgun Jesus (or any other spastic) would use that simulates masturbation. Pump it, and it shoots ejaculation the distance of Chuck Norris's penis.
• AA-12 - Machine gun with shotgun shells, used to scare people shitless so they yell out AAAAAAAAH!! 12 times. Uses box magazines instead of drum due to "balancing issues" (otherwise this gun would become stronger than Chuck Norris himself. we won't allow THAT to happen, aye?). Has a range of about 2 centimeters.
• Striker - Round drum Shotgun which fires water bombs at your enemy at around 50rpm while they shoot you. Completely useless unless you camp or get a life. Reload time is about as long as the run time for Avatar.
• Ranger - A Sawed-off double barrel and over 20 shells to use. Will waste 3 seconds of your life after each kill (if you could get any with this gun that is) cos if you don't reload you can die. Use of akimbo will cause Satan to chop your penis off.
• Model 1887 - Because somehow a wrinkly ass 123 year old gun out performs modern day weapons. Using in Akimbo may cause penis to modulate into a vagina.

Launchers

• AT4-HS - Useful for blowing up Hot Wheel cars and n00bs who don't know how to move, useless for everything else. Disposable like used tampons.
• Thumper - Old Vietnam War weapon used out of boredom, this mini-mortar of a grenade launcher will make every match filled with cursing, yelling and ragequitting, should be used at all times unless you don't have Sleight of Hand (people swarm over and stab the crap out of you yelling "WHAT U GONNA DO NOW HUH" while you reload this blasted thing in a corner, see the perks section). Also known as the "dumper" because it shits on everyone.
• Stinger - a shit rocket used by n00bs so they can kill planes and not have to kill other players. Misses half the time (so much for the lock on, n00bs). Useless against other players.
• Javelin - A malfunctioning drainage pipe that you can also aim and fire drunken missiles at people with, but is useless unless they are in a wheel chair (or at least roller-skates).
• RPG-7 Similar to the mini-nuke in Fallout 3. When combined with Danger Close its blast radius becomes like the Tsar Bomb. Causes 12 year olds to cry and get an erection all at the same time.

The Riot Shield

Probably one of the greatest marks of pussydom in MW2. Useless with stopping power, this riotshield is supposed to help control multiple groupers, this had failed epically, making it easy for anyone to kill you by putting BB pellets down your feet or being easily flanked by some dickish faggot. The Riot shield can handle one person, making a knife monkey turn into a brave player, and also will easily reap you into a corner leaving you helpless, unless you have an explosive handy, which will then expose you while throwing it, causing you to be shot to death.

Overall, the Riot Shield is Junk, it doesn't help any of the community's players, often being denied as a weapon even.

Equipment

• Frag - Standard explodo-balls that sprays jelly into one's face. but that doesn't mean you could spamm it, you fag.
• Semtex - Sandy Ravage's secret weapon...A beeping frag covered in god-knows-what-that-yellow-sticky-stuff-is. Can stick to any surface including trees, walls, buildings, faces, and asses, and causes other players to yell out "SSSSEENND TEEEXT!!!!!!"
• Flashbang - First, you get flashed. Then, you get banged. Trololol.
• Stun Grenade - A grenade that emits something nasty and effects your nervous system. Common effects observed being players tempted to rest a while and have a wank. Lucky you if you managed to shrug it off and put your penis back just in time before the enemy kills you.
• Smoke grenade - Provide cover for you or your teammates by tossing this nade, encasing your party in Weed-gas. Confuse your enemies and get high at the same time. Hooah.
• Throwing Knife Ever wonder why there seems to be a floating ghost in the air? It's usually because some noob is trying to be cool...
• Tactical Insertion - Now you can go have your own private mangasm by dropping this fancy dildo in a corner where nobody can see. You'll be back for it every time because Chuck Norris said so. But you gotta watch out for others who also want an "insertion".
• C4 - This is how the terrorists do it. ALLAH HU ACKBAR!!!
• Claymore (Also Known as Campmore) - The classic gaymore is back, bitchez, and is now the main cause of ragequitting.
• Blast shield - Pretend that you are in Army of two with this ballistic face-shield! Reduces the impact of your enemies' noob tubes... but you die because you have no peripheral vision, and you think that you're so damn cool that you forgot to fire that gun in your hand.
• Spear - Replaced with the throwing knife, it launches a pure oak-wood, lead-tipped spear, to impale the enemy, but instead, you now throw a knife across the map.
• Tent - Pitch an invincibility tent, so you may camp and get a tactical nuke easily! Was removed in early stages due to lazy crap producers
• Cross - Throw out a very realistic wooden cross. that will explode once it touches the floor, bsttizing and bringing pain to the victims of its powers... Banned due to holy reffrences
• Lazor (Not to not confused with lazer) - Enables you to shoot high energy beams of death. Since producers said "z0mg too OP" they did not put this equipment in the game. Not to be confused with the Nipple Ray.

Attachments

Now, for the reason why you don't swap weapons from dead corpses.

Primary

• Grenade Launcher - after a kick ass 10 kills with one gun, your n00b streak starts here...
• Red Dot Sight - Ugly looking foes? Use this red dot to block your target's face...
• Silencer - Campers' most valued atachment
• ACOG Sight - Make an Auto Sniper... Yay.
• FMJ - Side effects include, User Masturbation, Projectile Diarrhea, Hysteria, and complete hearing loss since you can now penetrate harder. ohh... eww.
• Shotgun - Shoot BB pellets at your enemies with an under-barrel BB gun. Range of 1 centimeter.
• Heartbeat Sensor - Make Campers Curse at 15000 MHz after finding them and shooting them...
• Holographic Sight- Doesn't view Ackbar from Star Wars as some blue floating head... From hell...
• Thermal Sight - Make enemies not look Mexican, and see them nude, so you take out your Shotgun and shoot the Pendejos...

Other

• Extended Magazine - ExtMag for a gay abbreviation... Makes Spraying and Praying easier and longer...
• Rapid Fire - Make your SMG Kill faster, although, If the firing button spazes out from a major gayness, you might want to reload before some n00b beats you to getting another kill...
• Grip - To be used with Steady Aim to make aiming down the sights obsolete.
• Tactical Knife - As opposed to the Tactical nuke, although, both are deadly, however, this one requires less camping.
• Akimbo - Hold 2 guns like a fag, makes puberty ten times more powerful. Or was it less... The question as to how the hell you reload both SMG's at the same time in 3 seconds has still not been answered. Maybe Master Chief on a roids and crack smoothie.

Perks

“ I don't use these drugs to elevate my game!”

~ Barry Bonds on Perks

“ Hold up guys, I need my Red Bull”

~ One intense gamer on Perks

Perks are separated into four different classes: Gay, N00b, Flamers and "Because you're a noob and don't know how to get kills." You have to use them to make you into a booster or better yet an Aunt Flow!

Gay

• Marathon - Useless. Makes you run a useless race around the map stabbing people.
  • Pro: Get to your camping spot up a ladder much faster.
• Sleight Of Hand - Lets you give hand jobs quicker so you can get back to your game.
  • Pro: Quick Scope until your gayometer reaches maximum queerness
• Scavenger - Turns you into some retarded vulture creature. You can feast on the flesh of enemies for arousal and use their blood for lubricant.
  • Pro: Makes you fatter so you can carry extra blood
• Bling - Makes your gun bigger, not YOUR dick sadly. Only insecure players use this perk.
  • Pro:Makes your Desert eagle bigger than it already is.
• One Man Army - Gives you infinite ammo and n00btubes
  • Pro: Gives it to you even faster. oh yeah~ give it to me...

N00b

• Stopping Power - Lets you ejaculate harder while playing. Useless to the actual game.
  • Pro: Ejaculating now penetrates through walls, bricks and cars. Like Hancock.
• Lightweight - You turn anorexic and have a much lighter body. To bad you can't move though you can't even shoot. You're a ghoul from Fallout basically.
  • Pro- Makes running around and knifing easier.
• Hardline - Instantly gets you a nuke.
  • Pro - Instantly gives you Pain Killer and Drop-A-Heatseaking-Rolling-Nade.
• Cold Blooded - You automatically die while spawning with this since humans are warm blooded, either that or you are in fact a shark... No seriously I saw one running with a tactical knife... I was like "THIS SHIT IS INTENSE!", but when it ran up to me it didn't knife me, "IT BIT MY FUCKING HEAD OFF!!"
  • Pro - Makes you nearly invisible. Turns you into a cameleon, although they can't hold an assault rifle
• Danger Close - N00b Tubes are now better kills even if you miss by about 10 yards.
  • Pro - As soon as first killstreak is achieved, you can spray arround and hitting everything in the map, making people rage and one kill before the nuke get in a Host Migration where your killstreak end and dying of a Cold Blooded Puber Pro noob trying to give you a Anal Probe, though if you manage to kill him Infinity Ward made a system that spawns him behind you.

Flamers

• Commando - Lets you teleport across half the map to stab someone in the face.
  • Pro - falling from 50 feet doesn't hurt anymore although your bones break and you can use them to throw across the map.
• Ninja - You get a full ninja suit and can stab people in the fuckin ass. To bad you die since you don't have a heartbeat.
  • Pro - Allows you to to masturabate very quietly.
• Sitrep - Find out where your enemies camp, respawn, and masturbate. Very useful at all times.
  • Pro - Makes your enemies' footsteps so loud that you can't hear wtf is going on.
• Steady Aim - Your stream of pee is now 100% more accurate when using a urinal.
  • Pro - Your holding breath is longer while aiming into a toilet.
• Scrambler - Alerts everyone around you, you are near, "Prepare To Die" (literarly)
  • Pro Or in this case, kill a camper before their camping claymore destroys you.
• Last Stand - When shot enough, this allows the other players to anal you before you die.
  • Pro - Go ahead throw that Semtex in the air before you get the analing of your life!

Deathstreaks

If you get one of these perks, it means you suck and can't play the game. They include:

• Copycat - Learn how to become awesome, most useful at level 4 when you don't got shit... Where most sniping combos and other crap is taken from...
• Painkiller - Drug yourself after dying several times. Gives you muscles of ceramic plated steel, makes you survive 20 Chopper gunner bullets and one critical hit with an AC-130 105mm and 1 full AUG clip. Only a throwing knife in the ear or shoe can kill you in one hit.
• Martyrdom - You poop out a grenade after dying. Very useful in Hardcore game modes around your teammates.
• Final Stand - Once again it allows you to get anally raped when you go down. If you (somehow) survive the raping, you'll probably get up knowing you're virginity is gone and you can't help that you throw yourself at the enemy team to be shot to death.
• Tactical Nuke - Leaves the entire opposite team wondering how the hell that just happened.

Killstreaks

These are made to make a good player get more opportunities to rape the seemingly defenseless enemy team.

• Host Migration - (0 kills) The game getting vengeance at you for rage quitting, forcing everyone to use them. Using this makes you lose whatever progress in the match you had by resetting everything.
• UAV - (3 kills) Switches your television from HDMI to AV mode
• Care package - (4 kills) A totally super-realistic box that magically falls from the sky by means of helicopter which happens to be somewhere close by waiting for orders.
• Counter-UAV - (4 kills) A switch to make shitty players feel better in the form of a button. Completely pointless.
• Sentry gun - (5 kills) Extremely versatile stationary thermal-scoped laser-guided automated minigun, that shoots spit balls and insults players to lower their charisma. These can be utterly destroyed by stroking it with a butter knife or with love and kisses.
• Predator missile - (5 kills) Allows the player to pull out a dell laptop and guide an Infrared NOS propelled bird shit falling from approximately 7 feet from the sky. Comes out of nowhere and most of the time does absolutely fuck-all.
• Precision airstrike - (6 kills) Calls in a dynamic, friendly and caring carpet bomb by three supersonic fighter jet things that has the strength of two grenades.
• Harrier Strike - (7 kills) A fucking jet floats in the air, shooting everyone. It can't kill you if you hold a piece of glass in front of you, though. Can be destroyed by throwing your shoes at it.
• Attack helicopter - (7 kills) A helicopter made to scare everybody inside. (See Helicopter effects). It doesn't kill anybody but it sure looks cool rofling and makes those lonely people feel better about themselves.
• Emergency Air Drop - (8 kills) Brings redundancy to the extreme: a killstreak that drops four care packages so they can be stolen by your teammates (or perhaps just drop'em on top of others).
• Pave Low - (9 kills) A fatter helicopter that's just a bigger target, and releases pretty lights when shot with targeted rockets.
• Stealth bomber - (9 kills) A cooler sounding airstrike that, like helicopters, scare people shitless with a huge, roaring sound.
• Chopper gunner - (11 kills) A Attack Helicopter that actully kills things.The Chopper Gunner kills you,your parents,your friends and you again and again. The Chopper Gunner Pilot appears to be drunk resulting in It dodging all enemies you aim on to.
• AC130 - (11 kills) a Westjet plane ride that lasts a total of thirty seconds and reloads every time you shoot. You sit coach next to that annoying sweaty fat guy that sits on his ass and tells you you're shit. Even worse there are no complementary peanuts! Not worth 11 kills.
• EMP - (15 kills) A killstreak that simulates the effect of someone shining an LED flashlight in your face right after waking up. That red dot thingy dissapears, making things 10 times more dangerous on a catastrophic scale, and causing squeaky 10 year olds to cry uncontrollably.
• Tactical nuke - (0.01 kills) Mercy killing endstreak that ends the game because one team is getting their ass kicked, badly, and thats why you bought the game, to end it. Just hope a failed host change doesn't happen when you have this ready...The best way to get the nuke is be a fag and boost with your other fag friend,because you guise are too H@RDC0R£ to play properly.
• Tactical Nuke Fag -(About 30 kills) This is when some no life wanna be jb faggot gets high and gets the mercy killing endstreak that is officially for noobs.
• Invisible- (30 kills) after 30 kills you turn invisible and can shoot anyone without them seeing you.
• Your Mom- (35 kills). At 33 kills, your mom comes in and screams at you with such force, it shakes your room and kills all players in the game.
• Official No Life - (90 Kills) You broke the barrier. You will now officially have no life. You traded relationships, friendships, family and successful careers for something that isn't real.
• Jesus - (1000 Kills) Jesus returns to earth and blinds every player in the game, causing it to end abruptly.
• Megan Fox Sex Tape - (10,000 kills) Rewards those addicted nerds who only go outside to buy the next game, with nothing at all, but it's the thought that counts.
• Treyarch - The next Call of Duty comes out, killing all players on the map for the next two years. Now stop playing and buy the new one you fag.