Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 9

August 9: Reiteration Day

• 69 - Roman festival of Repetitionalia inaugurated. Unfortunately for Emperor Nero, he is murdered all over again. (pictured)
• 70 - Following imperial edict, birds begin annual migrations.
• 683 - Europe loses the knowledge of how to keep chickens laying eggs in the wintertime. Frustrated omelet lovers resort to using torture on chickens to force them to reveal the secret. The rack proves to be super-effective and has the additional benefits of making jerk chicken and finding out which chickens are Jews.
• 1066 - England is invaded successfully for the last time, all occupants are now immigrants except for the Cornish.
• 1493 - Columbus sets sail for the New World again, hoping that if he goes fast enough, he'll sail right past and end up in China.
• 1876 - Thomas Edison receives a mimeographed copy of a patent for his mimeograph.
• 1939 - World War II begins as Germany tries to get it right this time.
• 1984 - Every company requires three carbon copies of every document submitted. Everyone is told to "press down hard", collapsing tables and desks everywhere.
• 1991 - There are now 27 Baldwin brothers, all actors. "Mom kept trying for a girl," was the reasoning.
• 1998 - Bill Murray commits suicide, leaves note reading "I can't handle this shit again"; he is reincarnated as himself.
• 2004 - People start to realise that yesterday wasn't neccessarily "such hot shit after all".
• 2005 - U.S. Government is stuck for a replacement festival, decide to re-instigate Reiteration Day. Again.
• 2006 - Due to a printing error, calendars list today as "Reiterate the Previous Reiteration of Reiteration Day". Global panic ensues.