Aldi
Aldi (stylised as ALDI)[1] is the common brand of two German entrepreneurs’ discount supermarket chains, with over 10,000 stores in 20 countries, and an estimated combined turnover of more than €50 billion.
History[edit]
The roots of the company trace back to the end of World War II in Essen, Germany, where friends John "Aldo" Aldridge and Aldo Nova were enjoying a few steins and trotters one afternoon at the local ratskeller. Staring at their bowl of half-chewed piggies feet, the Aldi reached a conclusion that bogging consumables are not really that bogging, provided you are hungry enough, they are affordable enough, and your head is as cloudy as your wheat beer.
The Aldi’s concept for a pocket-friendly food megastore was unique at the time and remains so today, for good reason. To keep prices low, items that never sold were never sold; items that would go off were not sold, either; however, items that were old, but safe-ish to consume, were. This limited Aldi's early days to selling pots of Extracts of Extracts of Meat that had been gathering cobwebs around Europe's warehouses since the 1890s. Extracts of Extracts of Meat was a product from the imaginatively named: Liebig's Extract of Meat Company, formed by chemist Justus von Liebig in 1860. Liebig's core business was making glue from what remained from an animal that couldn’t be eaten, and as a sideline, potted what couldn’t be made into glue. In 1873, Liebig’s first factory for mass production of extracts of extracts of meat, was opened in the Uruguayan town of Fray Bentos.
Corporate split[edit]
In 1960, the two Aldi split the company over a dispute about selling cigarettes, Aldridge believing it would attract shoppers and the other Aldo believing it would only attract shoplifters.[2] In 1962, one branch of the company became the Reichs-Aldi while the other was incorporated as the Renten-Aldi, the latter notorious for only accepting cash until 2004, when wheelbarrows began to clog the aisles. The two corporations maintain a single face regarding brand names, also if there is an adversary such as the customer or the supplier. They also maintain a single corporate headquarters, though it features a huge, concrete wall with machine-gun emplacements and wistful hopes for eventual reunification.
Retail experience[edit]
Aldi's customer demographic is the same as horse racing, snooker, and pornography: the upper class. These customers shop not so much to buy groceries as to make a statement about themselves. Aldi's catchphrase is "shop differentli" and few would disagree.
Whizzing through[edit]
Aldi has adapted the "production line" concept with which Henry Ford famously stamped out automobiles, in order to stamp out satisfied shoppers. (Ford did have to mollify his human participants, but was able to do so with a paycheck.) The Aldi customer, feeling like a mass-produced packet of cookies that finds itself briefly starring in How It's Made, is whizzed through an array of gates, trackways, turnstiles, and tunnels from foyer to checkout.
The concept has been adapted from Houses of Horrors with an entry door, exit door, and no dawdling; to gourmet restaurants that carefully study techniques for maximizing "seat turnover," culminating in a frowning waiter staring at the patrons and tapping his fingernails on the wall.
No bags at all[edit]
Aldi lowers prices by eliminating that two-second (assuming a quick customer response) awkward moment when the cashier asks, "Paper or plastic?" as the answer is always Neither. Aldi is saving the planet and so screw you. Aldi customers are fine with this, again given that unique demographic. They know that residents of Zimbabwe are chucking waste bags into the oceans, and forgoing your own bag is sure to make them stop.
The Aldi model is that customers will deposit purchases directly into their carriage after passing the cashier. Customers take the groceries directly to the car, when the rest of the world is dabbling in home delivery, drone delivery, and prearranged store pickup in which employees wearing smiley-face buttons load up your car for you. But that unique demographic understands that Saving The World wouldn't be so redeeming if one didn't feel a bit put-upon.
Aldi's interests are protected by requiring deposit of a small coin to remove a carriage from the rack. The small coin is refunded when the carriage is returned. There is no potential for abuse in this system, though the I-35W Mississippi River bridge (officially, Bridge 9340) was completely constructed from Aldi shopping carriages. Unfortunately, it fell into the river in 2007, as the Minnesota Department of Transportation did not have enough coins left to also take away high-strength bolts.
Ethical shopping[edit]
Aldi does not stock Disney Princess or Marvel Universe disposable party items, such as plates, napkins, straws, containers, balloons or tablecloths. This is to keep panicky parents from blowing their entire life savings in minutes on urgent preparations for Junior's fifth birthday.
As an ethical and affordable alternative, Aldi provides a range of cheap, home-spun kids' party cutlery. A popular line features the Schultz Heiliggruppe, from Marvel Deutschland, including heroes such as Blitzkreiger, Vormund, and Zeitgeist. This strategy does nothing to prevent parents buying Walmart’s entire kids' party stock instead; but passing the buck (and therefore passing on a few hundred bucks) is a small price to pay to claim the retail moral high ground, as when Facebook blames social media-related suicides on the lack of legislation.
Wide variety of product[edit]
Aldi stores are not the "anchor" or "magnet" stores in shopping centers (even though magnets can repel as well as attract) but merely one of the stores hoping to go along for the ride, like a Radio Shack of edibles. This reduced shelf space means that each department offers products that more or less cover the Four Food Groups, and each product is available in exactly one brand — which the customer has never encountered before. Italian food has a brand name that is reassuringly Italian; other ethnic foods bear a comparable stereotype; and non-ethnic foods have an English-language brand name that frankly signals to the customer that nothing at all can be assumed.
In the United States, Aldi occasionally stocks name-brand hot dogs as a "special purchase" not to be repeated. In Australia, Aldi has had to concede to stock Vegemite, though there is never Spam for the Yankees.
Aldi does not stock items that are "artisan," "foraged," or "hand-selected."[3] There is nothing on the shelves suggesting quality that would prompt the shopper to inspect carefully rather than just grab several and proceed, nor pause to look for more pedestrian alternatives. This strategy avoids hipster-clots choking the free-flowing arteries of Aldi's aisles.