Zordon
Zordon (July 15, 1798 - June 5, 1998) was the floating head that created the Power Rangers. He was a stupid coke wizard trapped in a time warp by his rival, Cone Bra Lady.
General view[edit]
Zordon and Cone Bra Lady were friends until Zordon discovered that Rita was brainwashing people by giving away free cars and turning them into their mindless goons. She even tried to conquer the Galra Empire and overthrow King Zarkon. This angered Zordon and he plotted to imprison Rita in a dumpster for the next 10,000 years, but instead he set some spandex-clad teenagers from some sunny American city on her bad ass every Sunday at 9.15am. She was obliterated, but teamed up with Darth Maul and Chuckie Munsten, who were also smote by Zordon and living in the underworld to get their own back on that big mean soon-to-be floating head. Rita was furious and retaliated by trapping Zordon in a time warp, making him appear to be the giant head inside of a tube. She also created Hurricane Rita. Her younger sister was named Barr Rita, who changed her name to Roseanne Barr in retaliation towards her older sister for stealing her Care Bears shoe charms long ago.
In June 2007 Zord-On took over India by brainwashing (with a spud-gun) the Curry Munchers into dressing up in spandex and calling on awfully-animated robots to do their dirty work, before realizing this made no sense and just threatening them with being 'Rita-fied' if they didn't support him. He then assumed the name Gord-On, but this had to be lengthened to Gordon Brown to unerect suspicions from David Cameron that he was in fact Cameron's ghostly and floating father.
Early years[edit]
Zordon was born over 1,000,000 years ago to an Amish farmer and his wife in Eltar, Quebec, Canada. He lived on the farm until he was 15 and ran away from home, moved to Utah, and converted to Mormonism. It was at this time that he met his first two wives, Donna and Marie. They married in 81 B.C. and divorced two years later amid total humility and bad career moves, including an ill-fated Zordon rap album released that same year.
Zordon decided to convert to Buddhism in 79 B.C. after being fed up with the strict lifestyle of Mormons. He then took a job as a stand-up comedian, to much success. He kept doing stand-up even after Oprah turned him into a giant head back in 8007 B.C. He even got his own HBO special in 1992.
Power Rangers[edit]
In 1993, Zordon and Alpha recruited a team of teenagers with attitude, known as the Power Rangers. They were Red (Jason), Blue (Billy), Pink (Kimberly), Yellow (Trini), and Black (Zack, who, ironically, was already black). They battled Oprah and her monsters until she was overthrown by an evil skeleton dude named Lord Ed.