What They Forget To Tell You...
You.
You think you're so smart.
Your brain is full of "knowledge" and "intelligence". There's not a thing that you, <insert name here>, don't know, right? You're so full of it.
Well, sir, you're not as smart as you make yourself out to be. People have told you many, many things and you believe a ton of that crap. That doesn't make you smart; it just makes you gullible.
Yes, what you are thinking is correct; I am indeed suggesting that everything everybody has told you is a lie, that you are stupid and gullible to believe them, and that life is so much more horrifying than many adults tell you it is. This is because adults simply do not have the time to care about you (too busy having sex). Don't worry about it; though; you'll get them back.
Yes, <insert name here>, I am smarter than you, so you should believe me on this. People word the "information" in such a way that you won't get the wrong idea. Hah! I fooled you. You really are gullible. This, like everything everybody has told you, is only PARTLY true; they tell you crap in a careful demeanor so that you don't realize the truth. This would give you a terrribly negative view of life, and of course, nobody wants that.
People tell all these things and some of it is true. But little do you know that what they forget to tell you could corrupt you and infect your mind for the rest of your life. I'm doing you a favor, <insert name here>.
History[edit]
The history of What They Forget to Tell You or WTFTTY started in 1842 when Brent McAllister, a speaker-person-thingy, spoke in front of a crowd and stated;
"The government does not like war. The government does not want to go to war, and will go through a lot to prevent it."
What he forgot to tell the crowd was that the government absolutely loves guns, guns guns guns, nor how they love it when things explode and burn. A few minutes later some sort of reporter dude asked him this tough question about it, and McAllister was stupified. So people learned the truth, and all was good.
What I forgot to tell you is that Brent McAllister was actually the name of a minor character in some adult's book (lolz, porn) that you'll read later in your life and you won't even notice! Hah! You're so gullible. I don't believe you. How are you still alive?
The truth is that WTFTTY was invented in 1911 when some guy did a girl, and then told her he had AIDS, therefore pwning her and infecting her. The two died. What a stupid girl.
How do us smart people know this? Well that's easy. We're smart, therefore we know everything that is possible for the brain to know. We are incredibly and uncontrollably smart, and that's why they call us smart people. I'm so not lying to you now.
Examples[edit]
Ah, you were waiting for this section, I know it. I've told you so much about WTFTTY that you just can't wait to read these examples. "What lies did they tell me?" you think to yourself. Let me tell you, <insert name here>, there are so many examples I can't fit them all into here. But I'll do the best I can, and hopefully you'll do the best you can to accept these truths. Remember, I'm the smart one. You're dumb and gullible and you have to believe everything I say. Everything.
Christopher Columbus[edit]
We've all heard it; Christopher Columbus wanted to voyage to India for trades, and ended up here, and there were Native Americans, and we had turkey, and then Thanksgiving was born because they gave thanks.
What they forgot to tell you was that this and all of it's fluffy nature is not true. Christopher Columbus is not real, and there were no such things as "Native Americans". All of us smart people know this; America was a deserted island back then. Once there was a fat white guy named Joe Jackson and he was high. He got on a boat, got on the island, put a really funky looking flag on th island and claimed the island as his own. He was eaten alive by the native turkeys, and that's not only why we eat Turkey on Thanksgiving, that's why we give thanks to the turkeys for not eating us, why turkeys are so fat, why our name is America (that sounds like the rambling of a drunken dude, right?), and why America is full of fat white drunken guys. This is known as the Curse of Jackson's Flag.
Santa Isn't Real[edit]
Oh, this is a good one. Many parents tell their children that Santa Claus is real and he's jolly and holly and blah, until they're about 9, and then break it to them he never existed, to get a life, to get over it and to cry to somebody else.
But people never really remember the REAL Santa Claus. Sinter Klaus, a dutchman from the 1600s, was one of the most prolific serial killers, rapists and child molesters of his time. He was the best there was; giving children presents if they give him pleasure in return. His long white beard, which he had grown over time in prison, was recognizable. The children of this era never knew this truth; so parents around the world decide to make Claus (or Klaus) be shed in a positive light so that his reign of terror among youths would be forgotten. However, History and God (and smartness} can never ever forget.
What I forgot to tell you is... well I didn't forget to tell you anything.
Miscellaneous[edit]
Jesus said blessed are those who perish for their beliefs in God. He never said they go to heaven. Well, okay, maybe he did.
I mean, he said BLESSED, not "For they will go to heaven". People bless you when you sneeze. What's the point of doing that stuff? ...here comes the controversy.
They say the world is round. Nobody ever mentions how 9 years earlier a guy falls off and everything.
Nobody probably heard of him though... just us smart people.
They talk so much about Global Warming and how we're polluting the earth. Nobody ever questions if the earth is doing anything.
Earth is actually mad lazy. All it does is lie in the middle of the universe and spin around once all year. And oh, the conversations it's had with Sun.
We say WTFTTY means What They Forget To Tell You. Nobody ever mentions that it also means What The Fuck Thanks Thank You.
Thanks thank you? Nobody even says thanks thank you. That, of course, is what I forgot to tell you. So much italic text...
I deliberately forgot to tell you I can't remember any other cases of WTFTTY.
That's a pretty nice paradox, eh? Smart people like me are good at that crap.
Effect on Life[edit]
People never think about the consequences of their actions. Telling a lie to your child can make your kid look stupid in front of their smart friends, which eventually ruins their youthful life. You could soon be the proud parent of an emo child!
Of course, nobody wants to raise an emo child... unless you're an emo adult. In that case...
Look at the woman to your left-hand side. She's severely depressed because of information withheld by the smart people that raised her. She's crying. These are the severe effects of WTFTTY sydrome. Withholding information from your loved ones can break the tightest of relationships.
In Closing[edit]
In closing, you cannot trust anybody in this world. They will trick you, deceive you, and make you feel like crap by either lying or conveniently forgetting information so that you don't know the truth. They say it's for your own good: stupid people. It's for your own harm. As I said in the previous section, people just don't think before they do such things. Sometimes it's hard not to say things like fuck you or fuck the world. Of course, that would be considered emo, so we don't want to go about it that way.
What you can do is listen more carefully to what people say. Screw that, after somebody tells you something, say "Oh really?" until they spit it up. That way, you get to hear what they're hiding behind your back.
The only person you can trust is me; Straitjacket Joe.
Did I forget to mention that? Hah. You're so gullible.P.S I love balls!!!!!