Uncyclopedia talk:Welcoming Committee

Pre-Rendered Welcome!

Hello, Welcoming Committee, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left...Not that far, dammit! ...Yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links, particularly the second one. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
• The FAQs - a few common editing questions answered for your convenience
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• Uncyclopedia:Chat - Follow the instructions here to come to the Uncyclopedia IRC channel.

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your username, a link to your userpage, the date, and your social security number. Really, there are only two rules, just make sure you take a brief look at them.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone who cares will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Browse our list of available mentors, and leave them a message on their talk page. Again, welcome to the machine! 

The balloon welcomes you!

Now, being less formal, you will see the above message in a lot of users' talk page. However, that does not mean this is an automated message. Really, I had to click on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff, and submit it with my own fleshy finger. Now, some personal non-official advice:

• You may think some stuff that appears everywhere here is cool, like Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Kitten Huffing, Russian Reversal, and Mr. T. Those things are completely overused and not funny anymore. Among us sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon chiché (if you want respect, trust me, try French instead of Internet-Speak). Whatever, these subjects are worn out, near death, and in dire need of being huffed. Just don't mention them unless you have a very, very good reason. Or if it's funny. And I mean funny.
• Another thing we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. You can put it in an article about, well, Chicken from Mars. That's it.
• Humor is a subtle subject. People will tell you that talking about excretes is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm, have a good look at HTBFANJS, and try to learn what works best. No one here will ban you as long as you don't impose your non-conformist ideas on already created stuff.
• Start pages in userspace, first. By that, I mean instead of creating the page Flappy woo-ha, create User:Welcoming Committee/Flappy woo-ha. That way, you'll have plenty of time to work on it and it won't be deleted or ICU'd. You can start a page in mainspace, just make damn sure what you put there is long enough and funny enough to not get huffed.
• Never recreate a deleted article. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
• And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:54, Nov 28