Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/9

Another idea brought to you by JNNN TV Anda

Yes, and I have pulled out fresh news for the UnSignpost from the JNNN TV Anda Homepage again:

Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 (Source: JNNN TV Anda)

For the first time in 18 years since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991, Sonic Fever had spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic started. The Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic is way past its time. People started to not care about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time, on the internet. It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Experts in Uncyclopedia determined that Mario Fever will come next in two years, then Pokemon Fever in the next 3 years. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he is too busy for an interview.

Now, would you accept this story? Or will you put it in the Reject Pile and wait for another issue?

|Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 08:25, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

I might run with it - with a few judicious tweaks. We'll see. I make no promises, but thanks for the submission! --UU - natter 23:02, Feb 2

We didn't find space for it, in the end, but the thanks still stand - come back with more ideas and we'll see what happens! --UU - natter 13:49, Feb 10

Perhaps you can put it in for the next issue? I would appreciate it. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 09:00, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

A comment on Bullshit from MrN

As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote:

“Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.”

~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks

I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers? MrN  Fork you! 20:25, Feb 3

Includified. --UU - natter 13:49, Feb 10

Something about Yettie's penis and how I cut it off

The main source would be Forum:Yettie's Penis: Confirmed Sighting!, and there's also some stuff on certain people's talk pages. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:36, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, this is certainly newsworthy. Perhaps an article is in order? Or is just the forum link good enough? —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:47, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

It'd be great if someone wrote some stuff about it. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:49, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Just the link is fine. I was gonna use MrN's contribution after I've read it. Or even if I don't read it it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:50 4 February 2009

Can't we have like three articles in the next issue though, it's got something to make up for. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:57, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Quite possibly. sort of depends of what news worthy stuff happens. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:58 4 February 2009

It's also got a lot to do with if someone wrote something! My bullshit could always be shovelled into a future issue if this weeks edition got to full... MrN  Fork you! 23:01, Feb 4

I'd still want your bullshit in the next issue though. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:27, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Yettie is male!

"YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to be male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel." How's that for a start? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 23:23, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

I'll find room for it. So to speak. In other news, have you met the {{u}} template yet, SPOAUU? --UU - natter 13:49, Feb 10

Only superficially, I'll try to get to know it more personally... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:35, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

On related news, I returned Yettie's penis and Mnbvcxz said he wasn't a girl, so maybe that's something to put into the issue that follows after the current one. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:38, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

I had to pass this on from Uncyclopedia:VFP/Boobies.jpg

• comment you know, and I know that you know this, but I think that this would be a winner IF the boobs were the feathered. I know you can do that. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:33, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

  Done. Perv. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:30, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

• comment omg lol looks a lot better now --Skillen 23:30, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

• See I do have a good eye for these things. ~me buffs my nails smugly~ Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 19:26, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

• Abstain. The boobs look too much like balls for me. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:35, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'um in a knot, can you tie 'um in a bow? Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 21:55, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

The answer is no. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:10, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Can you toss them over yer' shoulder like a Continental Soldier? Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:45, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Err... I must refer you to my previous answer. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:32, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

---

MrN  Fork you! 13:27, Feb 8

If it wasn't a bit old news, I'd have used it. Also: do you get a funny feeling when you bounce 'em off the ceiling? --UU - natter 13:49, Feb 10

Mordillo to join Bulgarian boy band?

MrN  Fork you! 13:30, Feb 8

Like it, but can't be bothered to squeeze an article out of it. Besides, there's been plenty of 'Dillo action in recent issues, it's in danger of turning into a Mordillo fanzine! --UU - natter 13:49, Feb 10

Yes but then the week after we can have a joke about how Mordillo's always in the paper! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:54 10 February 2009

Rightyho, I refer the honourable gentleman to the other half of my statement. The half about not being bothered. --UU - natter 14:11, Feb 10

But you've just come back from a sabaticle! They're meant to make you refreshed and ready for work not lazy like Robbie Rotten! (That's the line: now I know I've been watching far too much lazy town.) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:24 10 February 2009

Make the next issue Mordillo themed? Or perhaps SysRq themed. I'd be totally down with that. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:46, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Perhaps resubmitting this will make you add this to the next issue....

His Excellency Ferdinand Edralin Marcos has issued Proclamation 1081: This article is now under Martial Law. Only registered users of The Kilusang Bagong Lipunan can edit this article because some of you fucktards don't know the difference between SATIRE and SHIT!

Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 (Source: JNNN TV Anda)

For the first time in 18 years since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991, Sonic Fever had spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic started. The Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic is way past its time. People started to not care about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time, on the internet. It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Experts in Uncyclopedia determined that Mario Fever will come next in two years, then Pokemon Fever in the next 3 years. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he is too busy for an interview.

Well, it may not fit in the current issue, but this will definately fit in the next issue. Ortherwise, I will do a report on Martial Law. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 09:03, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

OK, it's in (with the threatened judicious tweaking). Happy? --UU - natter 18:51, Feb 18

What about...

Gay revert of the week? I think it'd work as a perminant feature but we at least need a one off for this:

MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) (better? That lez section suxed ballz... Well, it did'nt. That was the problem you see... ?) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:06 16 February 2009

How about...

Having three articles this week. We can have Gerrycheever's one, Joe9320's one and another one (if somebody comes up with another one in time). -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:35, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization under new management? ~ 16:49, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:50, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

"It has been tried again and again, but after many failures someone has finally proven successful in reviving Imperial Colonization. Even more so, SysRq not only succeeded in reviving Imperial Colonization, he completely reinvented it." and so on. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:06, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, as Gerry has utterly nailed the length of the lead article now, it'll have to wait for next week, which'll probably work better because it'll have properly started by then, giving us more to report on. It's not un-covered this time anyway - the links are there in the top right section. --UU - natter 18:49, Feb 18

Okay, next issue then. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:53, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

righto, i think we can whip something up. the hamsters on the wheels in the minds of unsignpost editors tend to take a while to get up to article-writing speed, so you can typically see the subject of next week's articles in the links section...it should be titled 'stuff we're too lazy to write about now'...SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:55, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Cool, the UnSignpost is finally going to publish something that makes me look good. I'm sick of them posting those nudes they get off my hacked cell phone every damn week. (Seriously, can we take down the "Stolen Nude Picture of SysRq of the Week" feature? That's really starting to make the whole college application process somewhat difficult.) —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:51, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Ironic Revert of the Week?

Here. I just like that we're reverting "vandalism" on UnNews:Barack Obama had sex with a man in San Francisco. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:18, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

It was also protected for a week. --Mnb'z 06:04, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

So what you're saying is that the media is now protecting the fact that Barack Obama had sex with a man in San Francisco? —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:28, 27 February 2009 (UTC)