Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 28

July 28: National Fondue and Chocolate Day (Switzerland) (pictured)

• c.3200 BCE - The man now know known as Ötzi the Iceman takes a pot of boiling fondue up to the mountains to try to get it to cool down. He slips on a rock and is stabbed by dropped fondue forks and perishes. It is the first recorded death by cheese but would not be the last.
• c.650 - Porcelain is invented to identify clumsy citizens in China.
• 1119 - The magnetic compass is created by floating a magnetized needle in a bowl of water. However, hundreds of ships on long voyages would be lost when thirsty pets and thieving seamstresses would destroy compasses.
• 1307 - Refusing to reveal the family fondue recipe, William Tell is forced to shoot a box of Toblerone off his son's head.
• 1502 - A Swiss crewman on Columbus's 4th voyage develops chocolate fondue but cuts out the associated human sacrifice ceremony as the latter is more trouble than it is worth.
• 1794 - Robespierre is sent to the guillotine for declaring white chocolate the Chocolate of the Revolution... and for thinking July could be renamed Thermidor.
• 1845 - Swiss army knives are now tempered by dropping them into pots of fondue.
• 1889 - The smell of fondue carried by prevailing winds attracts whales, causing mass strandings on the Atlantic coast of Europe. One almost makes it all the way up the Rhine River but is stopped at the Swiss border for lack of identification.
• 1956 - The first video game is introduced, allowing the player to move a dot to one of two locations on a projected screen using punch cards. Legendary gamer AAA makes his debut, setting the all-time high score of 13, which stands to this day.
• 1972 - On a trip to Vietnam, Jane Fondue is captured in a photograph that caused chocolate sales to soar, at least to her for a while.
• 1999 - After widespread internet rumors concerning chocolate shortages are proven to be false, many of the instigators are banned from the internet.
• 2007 - Bashing one's head against a brick wall is officially substituted for fondue and chocolate in some of the poorer areas of the world.